


Where is Levi's mind?

by Uial



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Military Academy, Romantic Comedy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-07 09:15:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uial/pseuds/Uial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a modern day AU. The Recon Corps if a private organization, trading information. So Levi is a spy. Eren is a genetically altered human, who switches into monster mode occasionally. There will also be other Shingeki no Kyojin characters present, like Hanji, Erwin, Mike, Petra, Armin and such. The main pairing will be Levi/Eren but there might be other pairings as the story goes on, tags will be updated accordingly. People that die in the anime might die here, also. This whole thing is based on the anime, but there might be spoilers about the manga. There might be spoilers about other things as well, but I will announce them at the beginning of each chapter. This is some kind of a comedy and there will be fluff. Also there is some ooc'ness because Levi is into kinky shit and Erwin is a total asshole, maybe he will come around, though.</p><p>I do not own any of these Characters, they belong to Shingeki no Kyojin.</p><p>Warnings: Underage, Graphic descriptions of violence, and non-consensual sex, also cuss words, bondage, s/m, and that’s it.</p><p>ON HIATUS, it will be finished when I know where I want to go with the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The mighty fall in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 1st chapter in which Levi and Eren meet under unfavorable conditions.

Levi opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was the crack in the ceiling of his crappy, but spotless, apartment. You couldn’t really call it an apartment. It was more like a cave with holes. Levi had placed pieces of cloth in front of them to keep the sand out, but it didn’t really work.

He got up and made it to the wash bowl. The damned heat made him sweat like a pig. There was no running water here, but his landlady brought him some when she went to the well. He picked up his soap. It was the same soap that hospitals used when there was a patient with an especially infectious illness. Basically, it killed every living and non-living thing it came in contact with. Levi replaced his clothes every few months because the soap burned fucking holes in them. The fabric only survived so many washes, and Levi washed his things especially often. While he cleaned himself, he tried to ignore the burning sensation on his skin. He endured it for the sake of cleanness. When the water was so scarce then the soap had to be especially potent, at least that was what he told himself. Levi wished for nothing more than a shower with running water, even though he probably was the cleanest person in this city, anyway. He used a generous amount of lotion on his aching skin to compensate for the soap. Getting dressed in black jeans, the belt with pockets full of ammunition, a black t-shirt and a light black jacket, he prepared everything for the daylight cleaning routine.

While sweeping his room he had the feeling that the sand he dumped out of the window snuck back in through the door. He picked up a grain of sand between his thumb and index finger. Yes, this was the exact same fucking grain that he threw out yesterday. No doubt about that. He sighed. Maybe he was going crazy without noticing it. Hanji always told him that it made people go insane if they were alone for too long. Then again for how long must she have been alone then?

He went over to the dresser and fetched his rifle, fastening it to his back. It was a scoped R8 Model from Blaser, there was virtually no recoil and was easily dismantled, which made it perfect for travelling. There was no need to hide it here, though. He was in a war zone, after all. Everyone around was heavily armed, and the ones who were not were killed too fast to really spread their message of peace. He holstered two pistols. Better save then sorry. He fetched his mobile and stepped out of his room. A second later the phone rang. It was Hanji. ”What’s up with the all black outfit?”

He frowned. “Are you stalking me again?”

“No, it's merely a method of warning you if there were dangerous people in front of your door. The camera is not in the room, you now? On another note, did you know that Erwin uses conditioner while showering? It always bothered me how shiny his hair was. The camera even picked the brand up. I’m a technical genius. Now, have you thought that maybe the black clothes are an unconscious reaction to your “paid vacation”?”

He had to block the view of this fucking camera as soon as he got back. Frowning even more, he asked, “Do we have to fucking talk about this now?”

She just ignored him “You need to get out more, get a life and friends and socialize. It’s a miracle Erwin let you do this job for ten years; most people go crazy after three. Or they just die. Anyway, you got the intel already, right?”

“It was hard to ignore when my damned phone rang at 3 am. Does this son of a bitch sleep at all?”

“Oh yes, and he smiles absolutely gorgeously when dreaming, like a little, blond angel. Do you need any help?”

Levi tried to imagine Erwin smiling like a little angel. He couldn’t really do it. “No. I will call when I am though.”

She giggled. “Right. Invincible Levi, the man who walks alone. The clean freak who gets every job done. The silent super spy who saves the world. The genius super sniper who never misses... to wash his hands after every handshake. The..”

Levi hung up. She probably called Erwin right now, telling him what Levi did in his sleep. Goddammit, he couldn’t even remember if he had wanked yesterday.

He made it to his jeep without another disturbance. Driving out of the city, he checked his watch. His job was to find out if there was any terrorist activity in the little village ahead. The wind was cool, so the heat slowly began to feel slightly bearable.

Levi was part of the Recon Corps. They were an independent special force group within the US Army. Their job was information acquisition. However, if the pay was good, their loyalties shifted long enough to win or lose a few wars. Any information about the force level of an army or their armament was highly appreciated by any potential opponent of said army. Erwin juggled politicians, nations and organizations skilfully enough that every one of them was convinced that the Recon Corps worked exclusively for them.

Levi was close to the village now; the road he was on lead right through it. It seemed pretty quiet so far, but sharp shooters weren’t the loudest of all people. He decided to drive off the main road and enter the village by foot. He parked behind a hill he was pretty positive that no one would be able to see the jeep from within the city.

Maybe he should have worn something that provided at least a bit of camouflage in the sandy landscape. Hanji would never let it go if he got shot during his last day on duty. Fuck his affinity for theatrics. It wasn’t useful at all in this situation.

Levi reached the shadows of the flat houses and grabbed his rifle. The temperature was pleasantly cool in the shadows, but he needed to get to a higher point. You could be easily spotted when walking on ground level, but people rarely looked up to rooftops. He found a stairway and proceeded to the roof. He was soaked with sweat within a few minutes, but as far as he could see, the city was still deserted. Sneaking forward, he tried to hide between washing lines and anything else that could be used for cover.

At that point, he heard something- a swooshing noise that gradually got louder as he slowly approached it. Finally, he was close enough and the swooshing dissolved into many voices in what seemed to be an argument. He couldn’t understand the language, though. Arriving at the end of the roof, Levi checked for opponents before he looked down carefully.

He saw a courtyard that was completely crowded with people. It seemed to be an assembly of some sort. All of them were heavy armored and talking at the same time, and were clearly on edge about something. The men looked pretty disorganized, and they weren’t wearing any particular uniform. Their weapons also looked pretty random; all in all, it seemed likely that they were terrorists. But he wasn’t absolutely sure. Maybe it would be best to stay here and keep on listening. However, the longer he stayed, the higher the risk of being discovered by the men was. He would wait another five minutes.

Some of the men dragged a big sack from one of the houses now. Correction, it wasn’t a sack, but a person. Their victim was anywhere between 64 and 68 inches tall, and its clothes were in rags, revealing a slim male body. A very good looking male body, to be exact. Whatever they had done to him must have been really bad. He did not move and appeared altogether lifeless with his arms tied behind his back. They dragged him to the middle of the courtyard and encircled him. One of the men entered the circle, moving towards the restrained person that kneeled in the middle. Levi looked through the scope of his rifle for a better view of the man, thinking about what exactly he would do to him if he had the chance. Unfortunately, this seemed to be an execution, so there wouldn’t be any chance to do anything at all. The man lifted his rifle and hit the kneeling one with the handle. Slowly he lifted his head.

Levi noticed striking turquoise eyes. This guy really had the biggest fucking eyes Levi had ever seen. Their shape reminded him of a leopard, but their expression was entirely innocent sweetness. He was maybe 13 years old, though he could be older because of his height. His face was handsome, a soft jaw line, perfect sized lips, and a small nose. His features accentuated these wonderful eyes in a perfect way. Levi grinned sarcastically. First time in five years that he was interested in someone, and of course it was a minor that was about to be executed. Life seemed to be set on kicking him in the balls again.

The man pointed at the boy with his gun and said something intelligible from Levi’s position to the boy in Pashto, and the boy answered in the same language, his voice was hoarse and frightened. Apparently, the man was not at all satisfied with the answer and drove his weapon into the kid's stomach. Levi felt the need to castrate that bastard for touching this boy. The kid fell heavily to the floor and made no effort to get back up. The man, however, grabbed him by the hair and yanked him up again. He talked faster and louder now as he held the rifle right to kid's head.

Levi grabbed his rifle tightly. They wouldn’t kill a child, right? The fuck they wouldn’t. Child soldiers were as much of a threat as any other soldier. Then again, he could just shoot the the man now, before he had any chance to hurt the kid. But it was stupid to believe that his men wouldn’t spot him. There were enough of them to hunt him down, and the other ones would just kill the boy, anyway. He wiped the sweat off his forehead. He wouldn’t be able to kill 50 men at once. Why was he thinking such ridiculous things, anyway?

His job was to find out if these men were terrorists, and he was sure they were, so he could just leave and call Erwin. He could leave, his last job would be a success, and he would find himself another job, a nice and quiet one, and a clean house and he would be happy. While picking up his rifle, he heard the gunshot. He looked down as the boy's corpse fell to the ground, blood dribbling from the wound; the sand absorbed it like a hungry animal. Levi's eyes watered. He heard more gunshots. Was it not enough to kill the boy once? Did they have to abuse him even more?

When a member of his squad died, no one found out. They had no passports or identification cards. There was no file anywhere about them. Their family members were convinced that they were already dead. They just didn’t exist. Their squad members were usually the first to find their bodies, anyway. This was due to Hanji’s ingenuity. Every member had a tracking chip implanted in their necks, so Hanji was able to find any squad member everywhere. The corpses were buried at the headquarters. There was a graveyard in the forest next to it. The burial itself was a small ceremony, with only other squad members attending, but they spoke about the deceased, and shared stories about them. This way, they were all remembered as the person they had been, rather than the corpse that they were now. Levi liked to believe that the dead found rest in the shadows of the giant trees. He often went there to visit dead comrades, and he heard their voices in the peaceful rusting of the leaves. He was glad that they were still around.

The boy was all alone, and his body would slowly decay in the burning sun. There was no one to mourn him, no one to bury him, and no one to pay respect to him. No one would remember him. That wasn’t right.

He would be the one to bury the kid. It had to be him. Who else was there? Who else would take the time to bury one more corpse in a county that mourned a hundred deaths every week? The boy deserved a funeral; he deserved to be remembered, not as a lifeless cadaver, but as a beautiful boy with piercing turquoise eyes.

The crowd had cleared away by now, but there were still three men chatting casually. They ignored the corpse next to them. Just another dead kid in a war zone. Levi would wait for a while, and maybe they would also leave. Waiting wasn’t a problem for him. Patience was important when you had to lie on rooftops for hours on end. He usually just thought about things. Today he couldn’t really concentrate on anything, though.

He felt the sweat running down his neck. His nose was tickling. There was an ant on his sleeve. And his leg went to sleep. Goddammit, he needed to do something. Anything. The only thing he could think about was the dead kid. The astonishment is his eyes as the bullet hit him. How was it fair that he died so early? Hadn’t he deserved a chance at life? A chance at happiness, at least?

Dawn came and the men went back into one of the houses. Levi waited another hour for good measure, then he silently jumped the 3 yards from the rooftop and rolled off his right shoulder to reduce the impact. After brushing the dust off his jacked he sneaked over to the corpse. The gunshots were visible all over the boy's body. The blood had dyed the sand around him red, for a short moment Levi though the boy lay on a bed of rose peddles. But his brain had just conjured some romantic fantasy up. His whole life was just a fucking perfect fairytale.

The boy's teal- green eyes were dull and lifeless. He couldn’t endure their inanimate stare any longer and began kicking the corpse without even noticing it. How was it possible that he was dead so suddenly? One moment he was alive and the next he was trapped in death's eternity. Robbed of so many good experiences. Somehow, Levi wished that they could trade places. His life was already a total fuck-up. He had lost his job and all his friends with it. But this kid still had the chance of living a good life. How was it fair that Levi was still here? By rights, he should be dead, and the boy should be alive. Levi fell to his knees and still lashed out at the dead body in front of him. He felt like he was about to lose his mind. His fists were bloody and raw, the voices in his head screaming constantly. He was unable to stop his fists or the voices. The boy's face was merely a bloody sludge by now. There was nothing left of his pretty features or his exquisite eyes. And finally, Levi was able to stop beating him.

He lifted the boy's floppy head and placed in his lap with both of his hands at its sides. He regretted destroying his face like this. What the fuck was wrong with him? How could he even do such a thing? This wasn’t the first corpse he saw. This was not the first dead child. Not even the first person he could have saved but still left for dead.

Then something dawned on him. Wait. Floppy? His head should not be floppy. Levi had been here at 10 am. The kid had been shot at 1 pm. And now it was 11 pm. The corpse had been roasting in the sun for ten solid hours. There was no fucking way he wasn't completely stiff with rigor mortis. Maybe, just maybe, he was still alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title form "The Mighty Fall" by Fall out Boy.


	2. Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 2nd chapter in which there is a funeral and Levi goes crazy because Eren is not naked. Yes, this is happening.

Against all odds Levi began to hope. He hoped that the kid was still alive. Maybe he could still be saved. If he just brought him to the hospital fast enough. He placed his ear at the boy's chest. There was a heartbeat. Then nothing. He waited. Still noting. How slow was a heartbeat supposed to be? He waited. For five minutes. Still nothing. But he had hope. He waited for 7 minutes. Nothing. The only thing he heard was the shrill screeching of crickets. He sobbed silently. Fuck hope. What was that shit good for anyway?

Levi grabbed the corpse and carried it on his back. It was not as heavy as he thought. The boy should have eaten more. Levi crept through the shadows. Thankfully nobody noticed him. Eventually he left the village behind and reached his car. He gently placed the boy on the back seat. Then he drove off into the deserted, dead landscape. While driving trough the desert he called Erwin and told him that there were probably terrorists in the village. And that he should get a H-bomb and blow the whole fucking thing to hell for all Levi cared. 

Erwin seemed bewildered. “Are you joking? What happened?”

“I just killed a child. I will bring him to the headquarter and I will bury him there.” His tone was as cold as ever.

“What? Levi, it's just a dead kid. He isn’t even part of the squad. You aren’t even part of the squad, for god's sake. I won't waste money so you can fly a random corpse across the country.”

There was a hint of desperation in his voice. “I will fucking pay for it myself. Just let me to this. Please, I need to do this.”

“Levi, the only thing you need to do is to get help. Get yourself another job and do a therapy. You are no longer a member of my squad.” Then the line went dead.

He stopped the car in the middle of fucking nowhere and got out. Fetching a shovel from the trunk he began to dig illuminated by the headlight. The sweat ran down his spine. It was exhausting and mind numbing which Levi welcomed at this point. After the first yard or so the sand was wet and it finally held its shape without flowing back. He dug for 2 hours, then he decided that the grave deep enough. Levi went back to his car and and fetched the boy, carrying him bridal style. It could have been romantic, if he hadn’t carried a beaten up pulp of a corpse. With the boy still in his arms he jumped into the grave. He placed him on his back and crossed his arms atop of his chest. After taking his jacket off, Levi placed it on the boy like a blanket. Then he got out of the grave and stood at it's side. Looking down at the boy he wished he had some flowers. Or a headstone. Anything.

But he knew nothing about the kid. Nothing about what he had liked and nothing about who he had been. Levi felt the tears streaming down his face. There were no leaves here, no chance to hear the boy's voice ever again. But maybe he would still be able to find peace. After what seemed like eternity he was finally able to stop crying. Levi used his hunting knife to cut the tracking chip out of his neck. The blood ran down his back, but he noticed no pain. He placed the chip and the mobile phone into the grave. When he was finished there was no sign that there ever had been a grave in the first place. Levi sighed and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair. Another person he had failed. Another corpse to hunt him at night. He went back to the jeep and drove off. He was done. Done with his job, done with his live, just done.

Levi ditched the car somewhere and stole a new one. As far as he knew Hanji, she had placed a tracking chip in it. During his job he met a few dubious people. This came in handy now. Getting a new identification card and passport had been easy. His new name was Daniel Lancaster. He fucking hated it. 

His former job also had been payed well. Still he had no idea what to do. He didn’t really want to do anything. But he knew that he owed it to the boy to try and live his life. If he had been granted with this chance he would at least make it count. So he decided to move somewhere and get a job that sounded interesting. First he went to England and became a self-defense teacher. They threw him out, something about unnecessary roughness. Then he went to Amsterdam and sold antiques. That too didn’t work out, his shop never sold a single piece. In America he became a librarian, but spent all of his time reading and ignoring customers. In Japan he launched an Italian restaurant, but he was a terrible cook. In Russia he ran a vodka distillery. This actually worked out, but he was just drunk all the time.

As a last resort he went to Germany. He bought an apartment in Stuttgart. It was on the 9h floor. He liked stairs. It had one big bedroom, one smaller bedroom, a living room, and a kitchen that was state of the art and twice as big as the living room. Somehow he still believed he would become a proper cook someday. If only so not all his dreams would have failed. The bathroom was filled with luxaries. It had a bath tub big enough for three people and a separate shower. The living room was furnished with one couch, a tv, and a stereo, everything else was bookshelves and Cd’s. His bed was 118 inches in length and width, because he always rolled around in his sleep and the big bed prevented him from dropping on the floor too often. 

After his previous failures Levi gave up on having a normal live, so he didn’t even bother to get a job again. He spent most of his time at home cleaning, burning food and thinking of a grave in the middle of Afghanistan. It happened more then once that he saw a brown haired boy and followed him unintentionally, before recognizing what he did. He just lived for the sake of living. Because he couldn’t give up. Because he was still alive and a kid with all his live ahead of him was dead. The first and only time he went sightseeing to the Fernsehturm he hardly restrained himself from jumping. So he stopped going out altogether. With the internet everything he needed was just a click away. 

 

 

Some day, he didn’t really care for days or months anymore, the bell rang. Somehow you loose track of time when you don’t do anything. The days blur together and you don’t even remember if you did something other then sleeping once. Levi ignored the ringing and kept on scrubbing the floor. He did that with a toothbrush because it took more time this way. At least he still had some small pleasures left. The bell rang again and again and again. The fuck was wrong with these people. He sighed loudly, got up and opened the door.

Levi saw turquoise cat eyes. And brown hair. A tall, slim boy, smiling excitedly. Fuck. He knew it, he would go crazy at some point. You could only experience so much shit before going batshit crazy. Funny though, how his mind had remembered every little detail about his face. It looked just like it did back then. But there was a certain determination in his eyes. Levi didn’t remember if it had been there when he first saw him. His body was also still pretty much the same. Fucking shame though, he was actually more or less decently dressed. He had looked better in rags, at least they had been see-trough. What the fuck was up with his brain anyway? If it had to imagine this boy, couldn’t it at least imagine him naked? He was going crazy and his fucking brain couldn’t even think of some eye candy. Really, it wasn’t that hard. He tried to bring the boy's body to mind and project this image at the kid in front of him. But he still wasn’t naked. Fucking shit. A crazy brain seemed even more useless then a normal one. Was it to much to ask for one more happy moment? It was far easier to be happy with a naked body in front of him. Still nothing. Well fuck it. 

He reached out to image in front of him and placed a hand on it's chest. He was solid. His hand didn’t vanish and the body was not becoming transparent. He made peace with his crazy brain. When the boy looked and felt this real, Levi was totally okay with undressing him first. 

Still there was something praying on him. There was one piece of information he was missing. Something he should have realized. But whenever he tried to grasp it, it somehow evaded. It was something about the kid. He didn’t want to think about it right now. Levi just wanted to undress him and get on with it. It would probably be a mistake to ignore his intuition, though. Of course, his crazy brain had to be a fucking puritan. He so wouldn’t deal with this shit now. 

Levi did the one thing that always worked to get him focused again. He kicked the hallucination in it's stomach as hard as he possibly could. It gave him a startled look, before it got lifted up it's feet and crashed down one flight of stairs. It just lay there on the stairs and groaned. Levi made his way down and kicked it in it's side. The thing rolled over on its back like a subdued dog. Looking at Levi in a frightened way, it coughed up some blood. God, Levi wanted to rip his clothes off and ravish the boy here and now. But his thoughts were interrupted by a hoarse voice. “Please don’t kick me anymore.” 

Levi frowned. “What are you?”

The boy looked highly confused. “What do you mean? I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Levi kicked him again. “Stop lying, fuckface”

The kid inhaled sharply, then it grabbed Levi's foot in an effort too keep him from kicking. So he sat down on top of the boy, his knees on the right and left side of his hip, pressing and keeping him on his back. His hands loosely around he kid's throat, ready to choke him. The boy looked rather uncomfortable. Levi however rested his head on the other one's chest. He heard a heartbeat, it was a bit faster than a normal one, but that was probably because the boy had a stranger sitting on top of him. When he got up there was a hint of red on the kid's cheeks. “I will ask you some questions now.”

The boy nodded, still a bit of fear left in his eyes.

“Why the fuck are you not dead?”

His voice trembled as he tried to answer as fast as he could. “I woke up and I felt like I could not breath and so I tried to get some air and then I got out of the sand and finally I could breath and then there was a ringing phone and a women named Zoe...”

Levi interrupted him. “How did you know Hanji?”

“She called me. On your phone. She helped me to find you.” He looked simply adorable. 

Levi furred his eyebrows. “I got rid of the tracking chip, how did she knew where to find me?”

The boy closed his eyes and blushed. “She told me that there was another chip in your.. mhm.. “

“Goddammit, that skank of a woman. Still, there was no reason for you to come here.” Levi was considerably pissed. This little shit messed up everything. He was used to having a shitty life, now somehow everything came undone around him.

The kid actually looked hurt and his eyes teared up. Helpless and desperate, and begging him not to do it. Levi's thoughts were going bad places again. The kid cleared his throat. “I wanted to thank you. I know you buried me and you gave me your jacket and I remember you carrying me and then laying me down gently...” His voice trailed off.

“Bullshit. You had no fucking heartbeat. You were also perforated with bullets and your face looked like it got caught up in the kitchen grinder. So you don’t get to remember shit, jackass.” Burying this kid was the hardest thing he ever had to do. And now he somehow was alive and telling him what a great experience it had been.

His expression was all apologetic now. Probably because the brat was scared of being beaten up again. “I don’t remember any of that, I don’t even know why I was there in the first place. Originally, I'm from Australia.”

Levi did not believe him at all, for one thing because he had no accent. But there was probably no use in trying to get the truth from him now. The basis for truth was trust and that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. “Lets get back to that later. What is your name and how old are you?”

“My name is Eren Yeager. Zoe told me that it is 2014 now, so I guess I am fifteen.”

Not as bad as the initial thirteen. But still pretty bad. “You guess?” Levi asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“There were bullets in my brain, so cut me some slack! I just don’t remember, okay? I remember leaving my family in September of 2008 and then waking up in Afghanistan and Zoe telling me that it is 2014.” Eren was angry now. Defiance in his voice and determination in his eyes. Cute. 

“So, basically you don’t remember the last five years of your live? That is the stupidest fucking thing I ever head.” Did this little dipshit really expect him to believe this story? 

The brat actually started crying and Levi couldn’t remember the last time he had this much fun. And then the kid's nose started running and he went from all sweet and sexy to seriously disgusting. Levi got up, but that didn’t stop Eren from crying. He probably had some serious mental problems.

“When you are through with this you may follow me to my flat.” Levi said while getting up the stairs. He went to the living room and sat down on the couch. After three minutes he started wondering. What if Eren wouldn’t follow him? Maybe he just left. Perhaps the boy had suffered internal injures from Levi's kicking. He was possibly dying right now. Levi did not need another murder charge. But he wouldn’t walk over there and make it seem like he had waited for the brat. He still had some pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, no notes here. Really, I couldn’t think of anything. There are no words except for I am sorry and please don’t hit me^^
> 
> Oh wait, Title is from the Poem "Because I could not stop for death" By Emily Dickinson.


	3. Somewhere it all went wrong and your plans just fell apart, and you ain't got the heart to finish what you started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 3rd chapter, in which you will find more everyday comedy and Eren is about to file a sexual harassment lawsuit. Also a little drama.

They both went to the living room, sitting down on the couch with as much space between them as possible. Levi took a closer look at the boy. He was dressed in a gray jacket, tight blue jeans and a white t- shirt. He looked like he was a fucking model. But something about the jacket seemed familiar. It was too short for the boy, reaching only to his chest. This was Levi's jacket. 

He basically jumped at the boy and tried to snatch it from him, his only thought to save his precious sofa from noxious grave germs. Eren however, after the initial moment of surprise, put up a real fight. Finally Levi was on top of him again, trying to strangle him and the boy went kind of blue in the face, but he still wouldn’t let go of the damned jacket. As the older and responsible one, Levi realized that it was time to do something. It would be hard to explain a strangled minor in his flat. His landlord already thought that he was into kinky shit because of all the cleaning. So he let go of the boys throat and pinned his hands above his head. Still the boy held one sleeve of the jacked firmly in his right hand. His face slowly switched back to its normal color as he gasped for breath. 

Levi moved his head down and stopped about an inch in front of Eren's face. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes as he watched the boy's cheeks redden. He felt the kid's breath on his lips, it smelled sweet. And suddenly Levis anger was gone and he felt the overwhelming need to kiss these intoxicating lips. Biting down onto them and hearing Eren moan his name in response. Purely to distract himself he said: ”Give this jacket to me, brat.” Even if his mind was all fucked up his voice was still calm.

The boy only shook his head.

Why did he even want that jacket? He needed to concentrate. But these deep turquoise eyes pushed away his every thought. Eren's soft gasps were so very enticing. His lips wet and soft and just there for the taking. Levi closed his eyes and pulled away from him. After a few seconds he was able to remember the serious threat that this fucking piece of clothing posed to his furniture “You were buried in that thing, asshat. You will take it off now and then I will wash it. Maybe you can have it back later, even though it looks impossibly stupid on you.”

At least the brat came to his senses and handed the jacket over with a distrustful look in his eyes. His voice was still a bit hoarse as he spoke. “I already washed it. It was full of sand like all my other clothes and it was really itchy.”

“You are still dirty. ” That was the truth. There was dried blood and snot on the boys shirt. Levi's poor couch. “You will strip now and then you will take a shower, brat. In the meantime I will wash all your things and then maybe you can sit on my sofa again.”

“Strip? Here?” The boy blushed furiously.

“Of course not here. In the bathroom. You really are a total perv, aren’t you?” In truth Levi wouldn’t have minded at all. But the boy was only fifteen. He collected his thoughts and climbed off him. 

“Leave the dirty clothes in front of the door.”

The boy still looked like he had some problem.

“What the fuck is it, jerkoff?”

“Do you promise to not throw them away?”

Levi tried to make a reassuring face and nodded. He had actually intended to burn them. But since he promised...

Eventually the boy got up and headed to the bathroom. Levi made his way over to the cleaning supply cabinet, praying that he had enough detergent for the whole sofa. Two minutes later the boy was back. Levi spoke while still roaming through the countless bottles and sprays. “I really hope that you posses the rare ability to shower within two minutes. Because if you don’t, I will kick your ass back to the bathroom and clean you myself. And believe me I am very thorough when it comes to hygiene.”

Eren coughed nervously and Levi could almost hear him blushing. “I.. I wanted to ask if I could use the bath tub? It looks really comfortable and I can't remember the last time I took a bath.”

“Well you don’t remember anything anyway, do yo? Just try not to fucking drown yourself in it.” The kid was probably the dullest person to ever walk the earth. Levi sighed deeply before returning to the living room. 

Soon Levi heard the water running. He used up the whole bottle of detergent and the couch was dripping wet as he finished. Then he went over to the bathroom, fetched the boys clothes and placed them in the washing machine in the kitchen. There was nothing left to do and he went to the smaller bedroom. It was spotless. The pillow was fluffy and the blanket was warm and soft. Everything was ready for guests that never arrived. Levi searched for his biggest pair of briefs and jogging suit and placed it on the bed. Maybe tonight someone would sleep here. 

Speaking of which, what was the brat doing, spending 3 hours in the bathroom? He probably drowned. Levi went over there and took a short look. Eren lay there in the steaming water, eyes closed and a blissful smile on his lips. It was cute, unbearably so. He was the incarnation of purest innocence and it took Levi every ounce of self control not to walk over there, and shove his dick between the boy's unsuspecting lips. He closed the door and knocked to wake him up. Eren had to get out of the water, he would like a fucking raisin anyway.

He intended to read a book, but was disrupted by a godawful scream from the bathroom. There were equal parts of surprise, pain and desperation audible. It was cringeworthy. Levi rushed over to the bathroom and flung the door open. The kid stood in the bath tub, jumped up and down and shook his limbs in the most hypnotic manner. The moment he saw Levi he covered himself and yelled “WHAT is wrong with your soap, it burns. I can't get it off.” Levi said nothing, he was to busy fighting the laughter that threatened to spill from his lips. This was fucked up. If he could only concentrate on Eren's naked body he might have been able to catch a few glimpses. But no, he had to laugh instead. 

After regaining his composure he answered. “It doesn’t hurt that bad, you are just a total sissy. Get out of there, get into the fucking shower and rinse it off. If that’s still too complicated for your walnut brain, beg for it and maybe I'll help you.”

Eren turned around, looking seriously pissed. “I can do that on my own, how about you stop looking at my junk, and get out of here.”

Levi turned around and left the bathroom while saying: “Look who grew a pair. It won’t help you, though.” He thought to himself that this was bordering to sexual harassment. But he couldn’t really control himself. Not that tried very hard. 

He returned to the kitchen and put the kid's clothing into the dryer. Seeing how the couch was still wet he decided to stay in the kitchen and prepare something to eat. He settled on making sandwiches, because he didn’t feel like burning anything today. One could survive solely on sandwiches, he was living proof of that. However often he tried, or whatever cookbooks he red, he simply couldn’t get a hang of it.

Eren joined him, Levi's largest clothes still a few inches to short for him. “Hungry?” Levi pointed to the sandwiches he had made. The boy muffled a “Thank you” and grabbed one of them. In a matter of minutes the boy had engulfed six sandwiches. His table manners were practically non-existent. Levi had to look away not to barf. Thankfully the dryer beeped and he had something else to do then watching that freak eat. 

After Eren's hunger was appeased he began to talk. “What is your name? And how old are you?”

Annoyed, Levi answered: ”Daniel, and you don’t need to know that.”

Levi clearly heard the irritation in the kids voice. “But, Zoe said that your name was Levi.”

“Then why the fuck are you asking, if you already know the answer?” Stupid brat.

He looked at his old jacket, it was still warm from the dryer. Being buried in the sand certainly didn’t make clothes any prettier, the black was a washed out gray now. He probably had to be thankful that the boy was still pretty. “Are you sure that I shouldn’t trash this?” 

“Yes.” The boy appeared resolute about it.

“But it's old and insanitary. And it doesn’t fucking fit you.”

“I still want to keep it.” 

“Are you really this determined to look ridiculous, fuckface?” Levis voice was pure acidness now.

“Yes.” 

What a jackass. Levi threw the clothes at the boy, he picked them up and reappeared minutes later dressed in his clothed, including the jacket. 

“Why would you even keep that thing?” Levi wanted that germ infested thing out of his house. Even more so because the brat wanted to keep it so badly. This was just a struggle for dominance.

“Because.” Eren looked down.

“Because of what?” Levi would so win this.

“Just because.” Such a stubborn kid.

“You don’t even have a reason, smartass.”

“Yes I do.” Uh, he got angry again. Finally this was going somewhere.

“Then just say it.”

The boy had tears in his eyes as he screamed: “Because you gave it to me.” He turned around and rushed to the small bedroom.

That wasn’t something he had expected. Maybe hoped, but certainly not expected. So Eren liked him? There actually was a chance of getting into his pants without handcuffing him? Probably he was over interpreting again and the boy just admired his as his savior, or something. Still, he could make it work, he still had a few roofies stored somewhere.

But there was this tiny voice in the back of his head. Telling him that Eren was only fifteen and basically still a child. And that it was illegal. And wrong. And immoral. And despicable. Maybe it was better to kick him out. It certainly was the right thing to do. 

His phone interrupted his thoughts. He picked up and heard an excited female voice. “Missed me?”

“No” He said without any emotion whatsoever in his voice.

“Aww, Levi. You are as bad a lair as ever.” And she was as giggly and annoying as ever. 

This was the perfect opportunity. “You need to help me with something.”

Hanji interrupted him. “So has Eren found you already? I knew you would liked him. Doing this romantic grave thing, you know I actually had a tear in my eye. So I sent the boy over to you, after I found out that he was alive, anyway.”

He frowned. “Will you ever learn what privacy is, bitch? And yes the brat is here. But it doesn’t work out. I need to get rid of him. Any ideas?”

“Levi, you are one heartless bastard. Have you seen him? He is so cute. I thought he would be exactly your type. Unfortunately, you can't just send him home. His family is dead.”

This was fucking bad news.“What? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I double checked the DNA samples. His parents and his sister are dead. It must have happened just a few days after he left, there was a car crash. But it gets even more suspicious. The authorities searched for Eren because he should inherit their house and quite a sum of money. He was all over the news, everyone searched for him. Little boy loosing his family and going missing himself. There was an eye witness claiming that he got into a car with a man, but they never found the car or the man. A few days later they presumably found Eren's leg.” 

“His leg?” This was getting crazier by the minute. He shouldn’t get involved in this. But he already was.

“Yes, sweetness, that confused me, too. I also checked this sample. There is no doubt that I was his leg. Everything fitted, DNA, blood type, size. So they pronounced him dead, buried the leg with his parents and gave the heritage to his next of kin. An aunt in Alberta. Now correct me if I am wrong, but he has two legs, right?”

Levi sighed. “Yes. Listen, Hanji, whatever this is, maybe you shouldn’t get involved.”

“Are you kidding me? Eren survived a dozen gunshots and he supposedly grew one leg back. If we find out what happened to him, this could very well be a major break through. He is a human lizard. I need to do more research and I will call you tomorrow.” 

So the boy was all alone again. Maybe it was a good idea too keep him. Levi couldn’t really kick him out, now that he had nowhere to go. The tiny voice was telling him that he was truly a disgusting, sick motherfucker, but with the prospect of a naked Eren in his bed, it was easy to ignore. The immortality however was a different issue. He had seen it himself and yet it seemed entirely more probable that all of this was a hoax. Limbs growing back? Surviving all those gunshots and whatever Levi’s beating had done to him? What the fuck was wrong with this kid? This shit worked in comics, not in real live. He got up, walked over to the boy's room and knocked on the door. Nothing happened. Eren was probably still pissed at him. Maybe he would allow him to keep the damned jacket. He opened the door and the room was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made this a comedy, who would have guessed? Probably everyone, my plots aren’t that complex. Anyway, I hope you still had fun reading it^^
> 
> The title is taken from the song “Walk away” by Dropkick Murphys. 
> 
> Oh and I promise a short chapter with Eren's perspective will be out really soon. I am ill, and so I have time to write, yay for catching the cold^^


	4. Are you afraid of being alone, cause I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 4th chapter, it is short and contains Eren's feelings. My summaries suck.

Eren's Pov:

Eren remembered the beginning. He felt pain. Nothing but pain. Excruciating pain. And it only got worse with every new impact. His life flooded out of him. But the pain stayed. When would this torture end? Eren didn’t feel his body anymore. Burning nerves were all he was. From every direction the pain attacked him. There was no escape.

Then he felt two cooling orbs. The pain was still there. It was still unbearable but between these orbs there was a save spot. He still felt the pain, but it was less eternal. Maybe there was hope. Hope. He concentrated on this feeling. This uplifting feeling that not all was lost. Slowly he regained control over his body. Whenever there was a new threshold of pain he fled to these orbs. And they were still there, making him stronger. Their existence gave him strength. And then he realized that he was lying on the hard ground. But his head, his head felt soft. The orbs were hands, gently holding his head. 

The orbs disappeared, but he had already won the fight. The pain was still there, but it was not his entire existence anymore. He felt other things now. Something on his chest. Somebody had rested his head on his chest. This was a good feeling. It pushed the pain further away. Eren wished that he had a voice to talk to his savior. He needed to thank him. But for now he was all satisfied with the warm weight in his chest.

There was something knocking at his consciousness. It felt like an itch. Something that he needed to process. Finally he heard something. Somebody was crying. No, not somebody. The one that had saved him was crying. Eren wanted to reach out to him, to soothe him. He had been saved. He wanted to help his savior as well. But his body was still not his own. The pain was the one in control. It teared at his heart. These soft little sobs. He needed to help. Then the sobbing stopped. And he was carried away.

Where was he taken? It didn’t matter, as long as his savior was with him. He was carefully placed somewhere. And he didn’t hit his head, because someone held it up. He was lucky to have someone take such good care of him. There was a familiar bouncing sensation. It was a car. A car driving over hilly ground. Where was he taken? His savior said something but he couldn’t make any sense of it. But the voice sounded smooth and calm.

The car stopped and soon he heard a scratching sound. It had a rough, dirty tone. What was it? Someone digging through sand. It had to be him. Then he was carried again. He felt gentle and slender hands against his body. He enjoyed the touch immensely, even if it only lasted for a few seconds.

He was laid down. Next he felt a warming touch. Was it a blanket? It smelled wonderful. Eren felt the warmth of his savior still clinging to it. It was a gift, a treasure. He heard the sobbing again. Why couldn’t he say anything? There was no need to cry. He would find a way to make his savior happy. He would always be there for him. He would always follow him. They would be together forever. It was as clear and easy as breathing. Then the scratching noises started again, and everything went dark.

 

 

Eren walked aimlessly though the streets. He felt immensely stupid for acting so childish. And he was cold. The last few rays of sunshine bore no warmth anymore. They were a mere deceit, designed to lure you out without a jacket. And when you came home you felt the scratch in your throat and the sudden pain in your head, but it was to late anyway. The damage was already done. No matter how much you regretted your actions, no matter how much you wished you had bought a jacket, you didn’t. And now you lay in your bed wishing you would die, because that would at least stop the pain cause by your own stupidity. But you never did.

In reality everything was complicated. Being kicked in the guts was not really the happy reunion Eren had hoped for. Levi didn’t like him. He intended to get rid of him. But to Eren, it didn’t matter what Levi felt. In fact he intended to ignore Levi's opinion completely. He couldn’t care less.

Eren knew, he needed Levi's piercing grey eyes to look at him forever. He needed his smell to be there, whenever he woke. He needed his touch. He even needed the insults and cusswords. Eren simply and desperately needed Levi to belong to him. 

There was nothing more he desired. He couldn’t think about anything else. He couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Was that a smile behind his frown? Was this an accidental touch or did it meant something? Were all these sexual innuendos hinting at something or was Levi just a pervert? How old was he? How was every single one of his movements elegant? Did he like him? Did he just look at him? Why was Eren's heart racing whenever he did? What would his hair feel like? It was driving him crazy.

But what could he do to convince Levi to stay with him? What could a fifteen-jear-old boy ever have to offer to a grown man? He was inexperienced and award. If that wasn’t enough to drive everyone away, he also didn’t remember the last five years of his life and he had somehow survived multiple gunshots without even bearing a mark. He needed Levi to think that he was worth the trouble he was undoubtedly causing. There was only one way to make that happen. He needed Levi fall in love with him. Coming to think of it, maybe love was too hard to achieve on such short notice. Perhaps some kind of attraction would be enough. Fondness? Sympathy? Interest? Anything that would keep Levi at his side was good enough for him. At least for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrequited teenage crushes. Good old times^^ 
> 
> Title from “I'm lost without you” by Blink 182.


	5. It's not enough, It's not enough. It never was or will be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 5th chapter in which I ruin a perfectly good romantic moment with gore and smut, because that’s just how I roll.

The brat was gone. He probably had heard what Levi said, and ran away like the fucking child that he was. Levi would just wait here for a while. The boy would probably return as soon as he got hungry or cold. Hopefully Eren wouldn’t do something stupid. Okay, he would do something stupid seeing as he was tremendously birdbrained. Maybe it would be best to go and search for him. Levi fetched his pistols and ammunition, they would be hidden under his jacked. He didn’t have to get his hunting knife, it was always attached to his ankle. Levi slept and showered with it. He was able in hand to hand combat, but any kind of weapon was beneficial. Never be unarmed ever. It was a simple, but very effective rule.

Where would a runaway go in this city? Where would a fifteen year old boy go? Levi had no idea.   
But there was one person that could help him. 

“I need your help, again.”

“This is getting a bit of a habit of yours. What can I help you with, cupcakes?” He could almost see Hanji's amused grin.

“Tell me that Eren has a tracking chip.” If this went on, he had to bake her a thank-you-cake some time. Good thing that his cooking skills were absolutely hazardous.

He heard her light-speed typing in the background. “Of course. How did you manage to loose him this fast? He is to big to misplace him in your flat, you know?” 

“Just tell me where he is.” She was getting more annoying by the second.

“Let's me see. He is in Stuttgard, but you already knew that. Let me zoom in. There he is. Schlossplatz. And your history tells me that you have been there before.” 

“Thanks”

Levi followed Königstraße until it finally led him to the Schlossplatz. The beautiful park area with benches and trees lay right in front of the castle. Placed in the middle of the park there was a pillar with an angelic statue on top. Right and left of it there were two fountains. Water flew from a small platform down onto a bigger one and from there through lion head figurines into the basin at ground level. Both of them were illuminated beautifully, because it was already dawning. And, of course, being the five-year-old that he was, Eren was sitting on the brim of the left fountain. His hands immersed in the water and a smile on his face. Levi walked over to him, the splashing of the water rang uncomfortably laud through the quiet night. He looked around, while lighting a cigarette. The two of them were alone. The cold wind and darkness must have driven everyone away. Not even the usual horny teenagers were hidden in the dark, making out and making poor choices.

Eren was shivering, which was understandable because he didn’t bring a jacket. His hands in the ice-cold water created waves that disrupted the dark, smooth surface. Levi sat down next to him. “What are you doing, brat?” He was trying to sound annoyed but somehow his voice disobeyed him, sounding genuinely interested instead.

“I always liked water. At least I think I did. When your last memory of yourself is five years in the past, everything you are is hazy.” Eren's expression was regretful.

That was a unusually intelligent for him. Levi watched the smoke in his breath dissolve in the cold air. “You know yourself best. Just try things and see if you like them. You will not loose yourself just because something about you changed.”

Eren looked at him admiringly, the soft glow from the fountain reflected in his eyes. “I know that I am probably messing up your life. But you need to give me a chance to stay with you. Please. If it doesn’t work I will go back home without complaining.”

Did he just say that he wanted to stay with him? And these admiring eyes. Hero-worship-sex was a thing, right? Fuck. He still had to tell Eren about his parents. He was truly a sick bastard. How could he think about sex when he had to tell somebody that their family was dead? “There was a car crash.” Levi pleaded that he would get the hint.

Of course he didn't. “They were in a car crash? What happened? They are okay, right?” His expression wavered between hope and desperation.

“No. They are dead.” This probably was the most insensitive way to say it. But he had to keep the answer short, because his voice shook as he said it. Because he was sure that it would break if he said anything else.

“This can't be right. There must be a mistake.” He looked into Levi's eyes as though he hoped to find a different answer there. 

Levi realized that he needed to tell him everything, otherwise the boy would cling onto every little ray of hope that uncertainty allowed. “I am sorry. Your parents and sister died in a car crash, just a few days after you left in 2008. You were supposed to inherit their house but something went wrong and you were pronounced dead.”

“All this time they were already dead? But, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything. So either I forgot that my whole family is dead, or I didn’t care and never bothered to visit them once in these five years? What is wrong with me?” The words were disrupted by sobs. He burst into tears, and the sobs were intense enough to leave him shaking and gasping for breath in between. Levi put his arm around him and it felt like the boy was about to break by the sheer force of his crying fit. He needed to calm down, otherwise he would pass out by his panicked breathing. He needed a bag to breath into, but who the fuck carries a bag around in case somebody gets a panic attack? Considerate people, that’s who. Unfortunately Levi wasn’t one of them. So he hugged Eren tightly and placed his lips on Eren's. He didn’t move them in any way, but the boy calmed down. His sobbing was getting softer, his breathing slower and he opened his eyes. His lips were soft and glistening with the faintest hint of pink. Levi pulled away and it took him a ridiculous amount of effort to do it. Maybe he had imagined it, but there could have been a glint of regret in the boy's eyes. 

Suddenly Levi felt cold iron against his head. His hands twitched towards his pistols but he heard the safety catch being released and stopped mid movement. Levi gazed over to Eren, there was a man standing behind him. He was dressed in a black bulletproof vest without any label. His eyes were black and cruel as he pressed a knife to Eren's nape. “Don't switch or I will kill you right now. Get up, both of you. Slowly.”

Switch? What the fuck was wrong with these people? Could Eren even be killed? The boy totally panicked, he was all wide eyed and shaking. It seemed like he never experienced any kind of violence before. Even if there wasn’t someone threatening his live, he would probably still be helpless and scared in such a situation. Levi would protect him, he would preserve his innocence. Even if it just was to claim it for his own, as the tiny voice told him. Levi got up. “What do you fuckers want?”

The man behind Levi answered. “None of your business, we'll just take the boy.”

Who were the people and what did they want with Eren? “No, you will not.”

There was a new voice, so there were at least three of them. One was standing behind Eren and two behind Levi.“Yeah, we saw you two love birds kissing. But we will still take him. Karl, Frank, get this freak into the car. I will deal with the short one.” Presumably there were only three of them. A blond man with a pony tail joined the one behind Eren, he had a revolver is his hands. They both pushed him back towards the road, the knife never left his neck. The guy that was left, obviously wasn’t the brightest person there was. Now that the other one with the gun was gone, this was going to be a piece of cake. Really, these armatures didn’t even order him to to lift his hands. 

Levi dropped to his knees and threw his head back against the man's groin. There was a pitiful, low moan and he dropped on the ground acting on reflexes and protecting his crotch. Levi snapped his head back again, breaking his nose and knocking him out. Levi got back up and stepped on the man's throat, pressing down harder until he smashing his adam's apple in. There was a chocked gargling as he tried to breathe. Levi followed the others, he had better things do do then to watch people die. 

Luckily it was dark and the faint glow of the fountain wasn’t bright enough for the other men to notice anything. Levi made his way to the black van. The door was still open, and hiding behind a tree he saw Eren, hands tied with a rope, kneeling on the floor and the one with the dark eyes still pressing the knife at his nape. Maybe there was some truth to it and this was his weak spot. But Levi wouldn’t really give the man enough time to do anything. The second one was already in the driver's cab, drumming his fingers at the wheel impatiently. Levi aimed at the man's head and pulled the trigger, right in that moment Eren began to struggle against the rope, pushing the man back. What the fuck was he doing? 

The bulled missed, but the blonde panicked at the sound and slit the knife across Erens neck. Levi was about to shoot a second time, but suddenly Eren's hands were free and he was up. The boy turned around so fast, he was just a swirl, and then there was a cracking sound an the man dropped the knife. His arm hanging down in a very disturbing and wrong angle. He screamed and Eren shoved both his hands into the man's mouth pulling them to opposite directions. There was a wet crunching and ripping and the his face split into two. Eren's hands were stained with blood and he dropped the dead body, all was over in a matter of seconds. Fast enough to make Levi wounder if it had really happened. The driver's door opened, and the blond with the pony tail attempted to get out, gun in his hand. Levi shot him, the man dropped and Eren growled dangerously. He still made his way over to the corpse, jerked him out of the car and stomped down on the man's face. His skull broke and cerebral matter was mashed into the grass, but the boy didn’t stop. 

Levi wasn’t in the least bothered by any of this. Normally he would protest against the abusing of corpses, but these motherfuckers had tried to take his boy. They deserved this. How in the world was Eren strong enough to rip that guy's head apart? Adrenaline enabled a skip in strength and agility but it shouldn’t be that big of a skip. Wasn’t Levi here to protect the kid? It seemed really unnecessary all of a sudden. 

Finally Eren stepped away from the corpse and strolled over to Levi, his steps graceful and predatory. He licked his bloody fingers, there was a grin on his lips that looked slightly off, slightly disturbing. These eyes were different, pitch black, devouring the light that hit them. The boy stopped right in front of Levi while still licking the blood off his fingers. “Levi, you broke my plaything.” He pointed to the abused corpse behind him. His voice was a violent grumble. “I think I will play with you instead.”

Eren pulled him in for a kiss. It was not so much a kiss as more of a carcrash, with too much teeth and struggling. This wasn’t Eren. There was roughness in the way he took Levi's lips, licking his teeth and explored every corner of Levi's mouth. None of the boys innocence was left in this being. But somehow his lips were still soft. He tasted sweet and salty, his own taste mixed with the blood of his previous victim. The taste stirred something in him, and Levi struggled less and moaned more, as Eren's hands slipped under his shirt and roamed his body. His hands were unnaturally hot, the difference to the cold air made Levi shudder. Eren broke their kiss and sucked at the older male's throat, producing vulgar sounds and leaving hickeys all over his skin. Levi knew he would regret this later, but not know. Now his hands found Eren's hips, pulling them together desperate for some friction. That didn’t seem to be enough for the boy, because he pushed Levi onto the grass, sitting down on top of him. 

Somehow Levi's shirt was gone and he had no idea how this had happened. But Eren was on top of him, rubbing his hard on against Levi's trough the fabric. He bit down on Levis chest, while his fingernails scratched over his hip bones. Levi's hip ached upwards with every new sting of pain. Eren's tongue licked over the red bite marks his teeth created, soothing the pain and charming gasps and groans out of him. Levi's hands laced over the other one's body. It was perfect, soft and firm, and so smooth that it was irritating. There were no scars anywhere. Levi, whose skin was covered in scars, found himself to be just a bit jealous. His fingernails left red trails on Eren's back, in desperate need of proof that this was really happening. It felt unreal to him, the same kind of feeling you get during a nightmare. This was simply too fucked up to be real.

Eren stopped assaulting his skin and their lips met in another messy kiss. This time Levi was in charge, or so he thought, before the boy bit down on his tongue hard enough to draw blood. Levi opened his eyes in shock. He saw the boy's face, traces of blood on his lips and no brightness in his eyes, no emotion. Just darkness, darkness and a vicious need to consume. A kind of greed that could never be satisfied, because it destroyed you on the way. This thing had Levi's eyes. Nausea hit him. What was he doing? He liked Eren, and this was not him. This had just ripped a man's head apart. Eren would never be able to hurt, much less kill anyone. Levi needed to stop this. He pushed the boy away. Or rather he attempted to do it, because Eren growled threateningly and kept him pinned down.

He would not be dominated by a fucking teenage boy. Any longer. Levi brought his knee up, kicking it hard against the other ones crouch, at the same time grasping his pistols and putting two bullets in Eren's head. He screamed in pain and Levi slipped out from underneath him and got up. Kicking in the boy's stomach first, he then held his head in place with both hands while he rammed his knee into his face repeatedly. His nose broke and blood gushed all over Levi's trousers, leaving them wet and sticking to his skin. He didn’t care. He felt calm and collected. The feeling was enticing. Finally some piece and quiet. At some point Eren stopped struggling and he still kept on kicking. 

He wanted this other Eren to be out completely. But this was also sweet, innocent Eren. Levi grinned and put more effort into his kicking. Imagining these teal-green eyes staring up at him, pleading for him to stop. And suddenly Levi realized that he was heaving more fun than he should. More fun than he should allow himself to have. More fun than one should have while kicking underage boy's in the face. The phone rang, and he was relieved and angry that it stopped him. He dropped the lifeless body and picked up.

“You need to leave. The police will be there soon.” Hanji sounded stressed.

Levi flung the kid over his back and started hurrying back towards his flat. He couldn’t quite ban the aggressive tone from his voice, though. She had made him stop. That fucking bitch took his fun. “Thank you. But why are you helping? This is not official business.” 

“Erwin will visit you tomorrow to talk about it. I will be there, too.”

He was beyond angry.“You dumb shit, you really told him?”

Offended, she answered: “Of course I didn’t. But you know that he has a way of finding out. Especially if anything extraordinary is involved. And Eren is everything but ordinary.” 

Levi sighed. “Alright then, I will somehow deal with it.”

Finally he reached his apartment. Carrying Eren around also seemed to be getting a habit, much to Levi's disapproval. He lay the boy down on the floor, because he was way to filthy for the couch or bed. There were blood and grass stains all over his clothes, it was a fucking waste of time to have washed them.

The boy looked peaceful, despite his bloody clothes. The holes in his head had already disappeared, though his nose was still surrounded by one big bruise. Levi checked his heartbeat. It was unnaturally slow, with a few minutes pause between each heartbeat. Seemingly this was part of the healing process. 

He needed to fetter him. If he wouldn’t wake as the normal Eren, Levi couldn’t have him walking around. He picked him up again and placed him on the carpet in the small bedroom. After covering him with a blanket the locked the door. But would a locked door really stop him? On the other hand he had ripped the rope like it was nothing. Would any constrains at all be able to keep him in check? Whatever this other Eren was, it was very strong. Who had done this to him? Not only did he posses this incredible regeneration ability, but somehow he also had the means to increase his physical strength. This boy was dangerous. 

The exhaustion kicked in and it was nearly impossible to undress and take a shower. Levi's whole body ached and he felt like he had been run over by a truck. He went to bed and was sleeping the minute his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. I am somehow not satisfied with this, but I rewrote it six times already, and it just doesn’t get any better. I hope you still had fun while reading it.
> 
> The title is taken from the song “Hate Me” by Five Finger Death Punch. But be warned, the lyrics are so explicit that Levi would totally approve of them^^


	6. 'Cause you are my medicine, when you're close to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 6th chapter in which a negotiation takes place. There is also a bit of fluffiness to look forward to.

Levi woke up because somebody banged on the door, wanting out of the small bedroom. Levi got dressed, grabbed his pistol and walked over. There was a chance that Erens other personality was still in charge, so he had to be careful.

“Eren?”

The voice sounded very much in a hurry, but it seemed to be Eren's. “Of course it's me, who else would be in here?”

“Fucking smartass.” Levi unlocked the door and kicked it open, while aiming his weapon at Eren's head. He lowered the pistol the moment he saw his eyes. They were, without a doubt, Eren's eyes. Teal-green and bright, though bewildered at the moment. His face looked normal, no sign of the damage Levi had caused yesterday. He wore Levi's training suit again and was stepping from one foot to the other. “Please, I really need to go to the toilet.”

“Well go then before you make a mess.” Levi snarled.

The boy ran past him and entered the bathroom while Levi went to fetch his clothes and wash them. Then he made made coffee and smoked in front of the open window, pondering about Eren. How much did he remember? Did he remember killing the blonde? Did he remember what happened between them? He put the coffee on the table, with it two cups, milk and sugar. Then the boy returned and sat down next to Levi. 

“Why are my clothes bloody? And why were you aiming a weapon at me?” He didn’t look at Levi as he asked.

“I washed them. And you don’t need to know that, brat.” Really, he didn’t. 

“I don’t remember going to bed.” Eren was getting desperate. Levi considered giving him at least a few answers.

“What's the last thing that you remember?” 

His expression became doleful. “It feels like I dreamed it. It just feels completely unreal to me. You told me that my parents were dead.” He looked down at his hands, fingers nervously entwined.

“It was no dream.” Levi's voice was as calm as ever.

“Then the men were also real? One held a gun to your head. Are you okay? What happened?” His face was highly concerned now. 

This boy was unbelievable. He had also been threatened but somehow he was more worried about Levi. There was no viciousness in him, no cruelty. He would never be able to kill anyone. He probably couldn’t even defend himself. Instead, Levi decided that he would be to one to protect him. To worry about him and to care for him. The other Eren however, was something different. There was no need to protect him, if anything Levi, needed to protect other people from this thing. He answered: “I'm alright. Don't worry about it.” 

There was a moment of silence before Eren asked: “But what happened with the men? I can't remember, why can I never remember anything? You were in danger and I can't remember any of it. I didn’t even help you. What is wrong with me that I keep forgetting everything? You could have died and I would probably still forget about it. I am so useless.” There was a sarcastic smile on his face, he really believed his words to be true.

Levi shook his head at so much stupidity. “You are not useless, kid. And it's not like I am helpless without you. I took care of them.” 

Eren helped himself to some coffee. He put a ridicules amount of milk and even more sugar in. This was no coffee, it was a fucking abomination. His hands shook slightly as he took a sip. “Did you kill them?”

Levi gave a curt nod.

The boy looked at his cup. “I'm sorry.” 

Levi would also be sorry if he had desecrated his coffee like this. “It was not the first time. It will probably not be the last time. And it wasn’t your fault.”

There was a sigh of relieve from Eren. They sipped their coffee in silence until Levi said: “Listen, we will have people coming over today. You can tell them what you told me. But do not believe everything they say. Erwin might be lying to you. Just say as little as possible and leave the rest of the talking too me.” Eren looked slightly nervous but nodded.

Finally the bell rang and Levi went over and opened the door. He was being pulled into a bone breaking hug by Hanji. Then she let him go and hurried over to the kitchen supposedly doing the same thing to Eren while talking without interruption. 

After her Erwin made it trough the door and closed it. He was dressed casually with jeans and a leather jacket. It looked a bit odd, since Lvi was used to seeing him in military attire. But still he had the stupid bolo tie around his neck. He looked at Levi, supposingly waiting for him to talk. Levi however, crossed his arms and remained silent.

After a minute or so, Erwin sighed and began to talk. “It's nice to see you again. Levi. You haven’t changed, still as stubborn and handsome as ever.” 

Levi suppressed the bitter smile. “Yeah, and you still talk the same shit as ever.”

Erwin turned away and made it to the kitchen with Levi following him. They found Hanji and Eren sitting at the table opposite each other. She repeatedly slit a knife across Eren's arm, to watch the wound heal in a matter of minutes. However, in Levi's mind the whole thing looked a lot more menacing. He only saw the knife and Eren's blood running down his arm. Something blurred and next he found himself behind Hanji, choking her. He realized Eren's and Erwin's bemused faces and let go of her. Hanji gasped for breath.

Luckily, his quick thinking saved him. “You are ruining my tablecloth with his blood. Stop it.”

Hanji still looked skeptical. “I asked for his permission, you know.” Eren nodded his approval.

Levi shot him an angered look. “Your questions rarely leave the option for disagreeing, Hanji.”

She crossed her arms: “ I am just persuasive.”

“No, you just ignore any answer you get and do whatever the fuck you want, anyway.”

Erwin sat there, smiling, as if he watched two kids fight over the same toy. Levi soon realized that there was no end to this argument, so he just stopped arguing and looked at Erwin instead. “What do you want?”

Erwin began talking while Levi sat down next to Hanji. “Eren, I am Erwin Smith, Levi's boss.”

“Not anymore.” Levi muttered.

Erwin ignored it and continued. “Let's just say, I am interested in your abilities. How they work, how you got them. Can you answer any of these questions?”

Eren's voice shook a bit as he answered. “I remember that I left my family, and the next thing is that I woke up in Afghanistan five years later, and I have this weird regenerating thing.” He pointed to his arm. All of Hanji's cuts were already healed.

“What I know is, that your regenerating abilities are not the only thing that changed about you.” Erwin smiled. It was the same disgusting smile the other Eren had displayed. 

Levi interrupted him. “Shut up. You will not tell him. You will not burden him with this. He is too young.” Eren looked back and forth between them.

Erwin's eyes glistened with expectation. “He needs to know. Eren needs to be prepared and ready. If he learns to control it, there would be no limitations to what he could do, can't you see that?” 

“What I can see is that you intend to use him. And I will not let you do this.” The old hate awakened inside of Levi.

Erwins voice was condescending. “Still a touchy subject, I see. You just don’t realize that it was your decision alone to do these things. I only asked you to do it. And I am sure that Eren want's to know what he did. Don't you, boy?”

Eren shot a questioning glare at Levi. He shook his head and Eren answer was prompt and determined: “No, I don't.” Somehow there was a warm feeling in Levi's chest. Eren actually trusted him. He would not let him down. 

Erwin smiled again. “You really shouldn’t listen to him. He shot you in the head yesterday. Twice.”

Eren voice was as cold as Levi's now. “I am sure he had a valid reason to do it.”

Ewin gave up on Eren and looked at Levi instead. “You have trained your dog well. I hope you deserve all the trust he places in you. I will not tell him, then. But I will still take him. He is simply too interesting. We both know that I have you well in hand. And I can simply take him by force, if I want to. But I would rather have him coming with me, voluntarily. There will be more people coming for him and however good of a fighter you are, you will won't be able to protect him forever. He would be safer at the headquarter. He could even learn a few things, while we learn a few things about him.”

Eren answered instead of Levi. “I'm not coming with you. I will be staying with Levi.” Fuck this brat and his rashness.

Unfortunately Erwin was right. Eren would be safer at the headquarter. He would be surrounded by well trained guards. However, Erwin posed as big of a threat as any other person that wanted to use the boy without regard for his well being. He couldn’t just let Eren put his head in the lions mouth. Levi had to protect him. “I will come with you, then.” He gave Erwin a challenging look.

Erwin nodded. “Very well, it seems I have no choice but to accept. At least for now. You will regain your rank, but your primary task will be guarding and training Eren. The helicopter will pick you up at 12 at the airport. Be on time.” He got up and walked out of the door. Hanji followed him after saying goodbye.

Talking to Erwin always infuriated him. To calm down Levi smoked five cigarets in a row before fetching Eren's clothes out of the dryer. They still had stains on them. Blood and grass was a bad mixture.

“Your clothes are still dirty and I can't wash them at a higher temperature, or they will shrink. You could wear some of my things, but they will be too short. So whichever option you choose, you will end up seminude. However, you have the body for it so it doesn’t really matter if your midriff is showing.”Levi smirked dirtily. A blushing Eren always lightened his mood. ”But be warned, if you show up at the headquarter with your stomach showing and wearing a jacket that barely covers your chest, people will assume that you are a whore. And they will treat you accordingly. There are many horny men and woman in the Recon Corps. Unless of course you would agree to be my whore. All these desperate, sex crazed people would leave you alone then.”

The boy blushed: “Couldn't I just wear my clothes and ignore the stains?”

“Not if you intend to sit down anywhere.” He really wanted to see Eren wearing his clothes. The jeans would be low cut on him, the shirt would be too tight and cropped. Oh god.

“Please. The things are clean anyway. And I would do you a favor.” The boy said it with a mischievous grin.

There were giant blinking letters spelling out “Blowjob” in Levi's brain. “A favor?” He was pretty satisfied because he managed to ask without drooling.

“I will make dinner for you.” Eren smiled happily.

The letters changed to “Disappointment” now. Levi frowned. How did he expect a blowjob from a virgin? At least he got something out of it. “Deal. You will get new clothes at the headquarter anyway.”

The boy switched clothes and began to cook, while Levi turned on some music and sat down on the sofa, relaxing. The room filled with soft guitar sounds. Then came the heavy riffs. And the growling. It sounded melancholic and dark. Desperate but also angry. The boy came into the living room. “What are you listening to? Is this even music?”

Levi opend his eyes before rolling them excessively. “It's called Funeral Metal. And you little jerkoff have no taste for music. Now get back to the kitchen.”

The boy sticked his tongue out at Levi before he left. What a stupid brat. An hour later Eren called him for dinner. The table was laid beautifully. There was a new tablecloth and the cutlery was sparkling in the candle light. And the food was fucking delicious. The kid really had a talent for cooking. He had made a salad with lamb's lettuce, ham and mandarins. The main course was a pasta with zucchini, eggplant and a pesto made from rocket and pine nuts. For desert there was a fruit salad with mago, pinapple, oranges, avocado and lime. Levi had never tasted anything that good before.

“It was edible. Barely.” He said. 

The boy grinned. “Is that why you wanted seconds?”

“I was hungry and there was nothing else to eat. I will do the dishes, brat.” The boy stared at him while he cleaned everything. It was annoying. He probably wanted to talk about his parents, or how his live changed so drastically, that it felt confusing and strange to him. Like it wasn’t his own anymore. Levi understood all that, because he had been trough it too, as he started the job. But he didn’t want to talk about it. He was tired of feeling for the moment. All he wanted was some peace and quiet. He ignored Eren, and went to the living room, fetching a book and reading it on the couch. Eren sat down next to him, and continued to stare. There was no use, Levi couldn’t concentrate like this. He closed the book and looked at the boy, annoyance written all over his face. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

“Could we talk about...”

“No.”

“But...” Eren looked like a kicked puppy.

“No.”

“Fine. But you will have to talk to me eventually, now that we are working together.” 

“Eventually yes, but not now.”

Eren gave up and rested his head on Levi's shoulder. Levi hit him with the book. The boy hugged him. Levi pushed him away. He came scooting back, placing his head in Levi's lap and looking up at him expectantly. Levi resisted the urge to break his nose again and put the book aside. “All right brat, talk.”

“What happened between Erwin and you?” 

Levis thoughts drifted to the past.  
Erwin's voice was completely indifferent as he got up. “Don't read to much into this.”

Levi sat on the bed, covered by the sheets and feeling naked nonetheless. He hugged his knees, feeling ashamed for talking Erwin into this. “You just fucked me, what is there to read into?” The sarcasm burned on his tongue.

“This means nothing.” Erwin got dressed without looking at him.

Levi took a pull on his cigarette. “I know.” As though repeating made it true.

Erwin left, banging the door shut and bringing Levi back to the present. He was suddenly thankful for the pretty boy on lap.

“None of your business.” Levi hoped that the boy had the sense to leave this issue be.

Eren reached up and placed his hand on Levi's cheek. The gesture was so sweet and caring that it caught him completely off guard. He noticed a tear dropping down onto Eren's nose, shoved the boy away and went straight to bed.

His self-composure had always been perfect. He rarely cried as a child, and he stopped completely as he noticed that it only aggravated his father's rage. He staid silent as his mother's dealer kicked the shit out of him for fun. His expression never changed as the gang broke his bones and and put him into the hospital.

But somehow Eren made him loose control. Levi's calm was gone. His feelings were so strong that they scared him. He did all the things he wanted to avoid. He remembered all the things he wanted to forget. Still he felt strangely happy with him. He felt like there was hope for him. Hope that everything would end well.

Levi woke with a jolt because there was someone standing next to his bed. He grabbed his knife, jumped out of bed and held it to the attacker's throat. Eren made a panicked sound. Levi sighed and lowered the knife. “What are you doing?”

“I can't sleep.”

“Go back to your room.” Levi went back to bed and tucked himself up. The boy didn’t move. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Can I sleep in your bed?” Eren's voice was slightly desperate.

“No.”

“But it is big enough for the both of us.” Did the brat really think logic would work on him?

“Yes it is. Sill no.” 

Silence. Good, maybe he was gone. There was a swoosh of silk and Eren was in bed with him. At least he didn’t try to cuddle. Okay, he did. Levi kicked him out and he landed with his ass on the floor. But the boy climbed back into the bed again. And Levi kicked him out again. This was repeated for ten minutes until Levi had enough. He just wanted to sleep. 

Levi gave up in kicking him out. At least Eren was satisfied with being in his bed for now, he made no attempt to cuddle anymore. Suddenly Levi felt a hand on his chest. They were the same fingers, yet the unnatural heat of their last encounter was gone. Before he had time to react, Eren's head already rested on Levi's chest, next to the hand. Both of them where dressed only in briefs. Levi was highly aware of all the naked skin against his own. 

Erens hair smelled like Levi's soap. Was he supposed to keep his hands to himself? Probably not. He placed on hand on Eren's hip, wondering how his skin was so soft. The other hand played with the boy's hair, tugging it gently. Why was he doing this? The simple answer was that he didn’t want to sleep alone, either. He welcomed both warmth and companionship. Something to distract him form his thoughts.

Eren began to sob, his soft gasps brushed over Levi's skin. His tears dropped on Levi's chest, and Levi hugged him tightly until he stopped crying and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the late update. I was very ill (again -.-), and the painkillers made me a bit hazy^^
> 
> If anyone is interested, the song Levi listened to is “Yet Another Raft Of The Medusa (Pollard's Weakness)” by Ahab. 
> 
> And the title is taken from “On Melancholy Hill” by Gorillaz.


	7. In time I'll try to shed some light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 7th chapter about the boys first day in the Recon Corps, and a short version of Levi's past.
> 
> Spoiler warning for: Game of Thrones, The Avengers, Bioshock 2, Bioshock Infinite, GTA 5, and Twilight. Yup, if you want to know how I did that, read on.
> 
> Also this is now edited by the amazing [squatchster ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/squatchster/pseuds/squatchster), thank you so much!

Levi woke at eight, feeling like something was off. He tried to move his arm, but he couldn't. He realized that Eren was laying on it. In his bed. One leg was covered with the blanket, but the rest of him was pretty much naked. And he was displaying a rather impressive example of morning wood, barely restrained by his shorts. 

This could make things awkward, even if they hadn’t done anything. They still weren’t supposed to sleep in the same bed. They were working together, and he was supposed to be Eren's guardian. Then why was it so impossible not to look at him? His toned chest rising and falling with every breath. His muscles flexing under his skin with even the smallest movements. The slight curve of his hips. His thighs that looked so goddam creamy that all Levi wanted was to lick every inch of skin he could reach.

Levi shoved him off of his arm and got up. The boy remained sleeping, sprawled over the whole bed. Inconsiderate jerk. Levi took a shower, got dressed and made coffee. He knocked at the bedroom door to wake the boy up and went back to the kitchen to make some sandwiches. Eren scuffled towards the bathroom, portraying a convincing zombie. Why the hell was the boy so tired, when Levi had been in bed early? It probably took Eren all night to build up his courage before he finally dared to enter Levis bedroom. Somehow this made him very exited. 

Eren seemed too tired to speak, since his entire communication was limited to annoyed grunts and yawns, which Levi was more than satisfied with. The boy did the usual awful things to his coffee and choked as he tried to drink it. And here Levi thought that swallowing was an unconscious reflex. Maybe the boy lacked the necessary five braincells for it. There was a way to teach it to him, though. He smirked inwardly. 

At 10, they left the house, and a taxi took them to Stuttgart airport. Eren leaned against Levi`s shoulder and slept during the trip. Levi was glad to leave the taxi once they arrived, because the driver watched them in his rear mirror and smiled like they were the sweetest fucking couple he had ever seen.

The helicopter awaited them on a small airfield. Mike Zacharius, the pilot, wore a olive military overall. His hair was longer than the last time Levi had seen him; it brushed his shoulders. He greeted Levi with a handshake and smelled Eren before smiling, thus concluding his greeting ritual. They got in. Levi was used to this small aircraft, but Eren looked quite nervous. He calmed down as the chopper reached its cruising altitude. Looking out of the windows he babbled on about how small everything looked, and how cuddly the clouds seemed. It was a long flight, and Mike was as quiet as usual. He always needed some time to warm up. After the first two hours Eren started sleeping again, leaning against Levi once more. He tried to push the boy off in an inconspicuous way, mainly because he didn’t want to create rumors on the first day. It didn’t work. Mike watched Levi's failing attempts and smiled. “He smells like you anyway.” He grunted some halfhearted denial, but it wasn’t all that convincing, now that Eren had started hugging him again. 

They finally they reached Ireland late in the afternoon. The headquarters were an old castle. There was a high cliff falling into the ocean on one side of it, and a forest on the other. The castle had four towers, with the main building in between them, a training area in the middle. It looked majestic, but a little run down due to the once gray walls having turned green from algae. They landed on a pad on top of one of the towers. Mike laughed at Eren's amazement. “Yes, it's neither practical nor central. Erwin is quite old-fashioned. Allegedly, his ancestors once lived here.” 

Levi frowned.“What the fuck have done to this place? It looks like you didn’t clean it once since I was gone.” 

Maike shrugged. “Nobody but you deems it necessary to actually clean the outer wall.” 

They got off the helicopter and entered the castle trough a wooden door. Whilst marching down a spiraling stair that seemed to go on forever, Levi noticed numerous spider webs. He tried to evade them but they covered a majority of he hallway. How could Mike and Eren just walk trough them? Disgusting. This needed to be fixed. “Apparently, you haven't cleaned the inside as well. I am away for a few months and you shitheads are unable to keep one measly castle clean? Call everyone that is off-duty and get them to clean everything. I will talk with Erwin.” 

Rolling his eyes, Mike went off. 

They made their way through what seemed like miles of cold, dark stone corridors. Finally they reached Erwin's room. Levi knocked.

A muffled “Come in” was audible trough the door. Levi and the boy stepped into the the room that was lit by bright led lights that didn’t fit into the medieval environment at all. Actually the whole room seemed oddly out of place with its computer, piles of CD’s, books, and filing cabinets that covered every wall. 

Erwin looked up from a file at his table. He was dressed in navy blue overalls and his idiotic bolo tie. “I hope you had a pleasant flight. I made a training plan for Eren that you will follow from tomorrow on. Today however is at your own disposal, feel free to get settled, and don't forget to fetch Eren's new clothes. Levi, you will stay with him at all times. It's your job to avoid any unfortunate incidents. You've dealt with him before, I trust that you are able to control him.”

Levi nodded and walked out of there, the brat following him. He was aware that he should have saluted, at least that was what the protocol required, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Most of main building's rooms were used, whereas the towers were empty. This was due to all the stairs. Nobody except Levi liked them. They made it to the sartorial storage. The room was furnished with shelves and wardrobes containing military attire in all sizes and colors. Levi saw Eren's clueless expression and explained. “You can choose between ocher, that means training squad or black, that is consultants, guests or specialists from other forces.” Levi took two olive overalls both with the emblem of the squad and two ivory trousers with olive shirts, fitting for his rank. The boy choose ocher for the training squad. As usual, teenagers just wanted to belong. ”Good, now where do you want your room to be?”

Eren looked at him. “Where is your room?”

“You will not be staying in my fucking room.” He said, eyebrows furrowed in anger. Rumors about a relationship would not only compromise their position but also endanger the boy. Erwin would probably do everything to get Levi to leave. He was the only one that cared for Eren's well being, rather than his abilities. No wait, that wasn’t true. There was also Hanji, but she couldn’t do anything if he wanted to keep her job. It all came down to him. He probably just liked to see himself as the knight in shining armor. Saving princess Eren, now that was just fucked up.

Eren's voice was shy, apparently scared by his harsh reaction.“Could I at least be somewhere near you?” 

Levi was already sorry for raising his voice. He missed his I-don't-give-a-fuck-attitude. “You could stay in the room that is right below my own. But I'm warning you, my room is in the north tower. There will be stairs.”

Eren's face lit up. “Stairs aren't that bad.”

“Stairs are totally, really, very bad.” Was what he said as they reached his room. His knees were shaking, and he sank to the floor unable to get back up again.

Since when had it become so hard not to smile at him? “Dumbass. I told you so.” Levi was used to stairs. They were a crucial part of his training regimen. 

He climbed another two flights before entering his room. There was a dresser, a desk with a computer on it, a chair, a phone, a small sofa, and a door leading to the bathroom with toilet, shower and sink. In the wall there was a small hatch to access the chute. It mirrored Eren's, except for the king-sized bed with a rug beneath it.

Levi had already anticipated the dusty state of his chamber, which is why he had brought cleaning supplies. He began cleaning immediately, dusting off all surfaces and changing the sheets on his bed. Then, he cleaned the dresser's interior, before putting a new trouser and shirt on and placing the remaining clothes inside. He continued with vacuum cleaning, mopping the floor, cleaning the windows and removing spider webs from the ceiling. Upon completing his task, he went to the bathroom and scrubbed the shower, sink, and toilet before cleaning the mirror above the sink and wiping the floor. He was through after roughly two hours. Levi opened the window and sat down on the windowsill. He observed the scenery while smoking. Everything looked exactly the same. The nostalgia was suffocating him. How was he so different when everything here had remained exactly the same? He decided to check back with Eren. The boy sat in front of the computer, browsing. He had also changed into the ivory pants and ocher shirt.

Levi looked around. “Have you been cleaning at all?”

Hearing his voice Eren turned around and answered casually. “Nah, its not dirty.”

“Are you fucking blind? There's dust, dirt and spider webs everywhere. Get off the internet and clean your room, shitstain.”

“I was trying to catch up on the last five years. My Chemical Romance broke up. And there is this thing called Game of Thrones, and apparently it's huge. There was an Avenger movie and I missed so many games that I cant even list them all. Bioshock 2 and Infinite? GTA 5? And Day Z? I will need another year to play and watch all of these. ”

Levi expression showed blatant disapproval. “Seriously? These are the things that you look up? You missed wars and tsunamis, dictatorships were overthrown, the god particle was found and there is a different pope. You really are a stupid brat.”

Eren looked embarrassed first, but his tone got gradually more aggressive as he answered. “Well I was going to look all that up, eventually, you just interrupted me before I had the chance to finish. What are you doing here anyway? This is my room, you know. You have no right to be in here.”

Levi appeared extremely calm, even if he was furious. He walked casually towards Eren and knocked his chair over with a kick, which made him fall onto his this back. The boy looked like a turtle, legs in the air still supported by the chair and startled expression. Levi then placed a boot on his throat, exercising minimal pressure, making it just a bit uncomfortable to breath.

His voice was clinical. “Firstly, I am your captain, therefore I can do whatever the fuck I want with you and everything that you own. Secondly, you will never speak disrespectful to me again, or I will not only beat your sorry little ass up, but I will also spoil every book, every movie and every game you missed.”

Eren desperately tried to retrieve his error. “Yes, sir.” But as usual he had no idea when to stop talking. “Still, wouldn’t it be just a tad excessive to look all these things up, just to punish me?” 

Levi looked down on him in disbelieve. “You just asked for it, you little piece of shit. In Game of Thrones Eddart and Robb Stark, Khal Drogo, Viserys Targarien, Robert and Renley Baratheon, they all fucking die. Lets go on with the Avengers: they beat Loki. It is the phrase “Would you kindly” that controls you in Bioshock 2. In Infinite you break the loop by never emerging from the water during your baptism, so you never become Booker or Comstock in the first place. In GTA 5 you have three possible endings, A: Trevor dies, B: Michael dies, or C: Franklin saves them both. And in Day Z you just die over and over. Oh and Bella becomes a vampire, figured you'd be the type to watch twilight.” Hanji had bribed him to watch the series with her. The 30 year old whiskey had not been worth it.

“Wait, What? How do you know all of this?”

He rolled his eyes. “I watched the movies and played through the games, duh.”

“You are so cool, Heichou.” The boy said it with with utter adoration. 

Levi removed his foot from the kid's throat and felt unreasonably honored. “Fuck off, brat. Now get up, before you’ll be as disgustingly dirty as the floor. And I actually had a reason for coming here, if you had bothered to ask me before you got on your little rant, I would have told you that dinner will be ready soon. Want to join me, shithead?”

Eren got up and smiled. “Of course, sir. Whats for dinner?”

“Like you I just got here, so how could I possibly know that? Do you ever think before you say something, kid?” 

“No.. yes.. sometimes, Sir” Side by side they went down the stairs.

“That’s what I thought.”

In that moment a very loud voice shrilled through the castle. “Today's dinner is spaghetti napoli. I welcome our newest member, Eren, and I ask Levi to stop being such a dick to him. Hanji out.”

There was a chocked laugh from Eren, followed by a cautious side glance. 

“Jackass.” Levi slapped his head gently.

They entered the canteen. There were five tables with ten chairs placed at each side. Only fifteen of them were taken. A few people were dressed in olive, like Levi, others in ocher, like Eren, but the only one wearing navy blue was Erwin. Both fetched a plate with spaghetti and sat down at a table, with Hanji, Erwin and three recruits that were unknown to him. Hanji beamed at the boy before turning to Levi. ”This castle is my realm. You have no power here.” 

“You will regret this, shitglasses. My revenge will be swift and dire.” The recruits looked mildly shocked about his diction. One of them was short, had blue eyes and a blond bob, he stared at Levi and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but then he just closed it again. The next one just glanced at him, before he continued eating. His hair was colored like dried loam, his undercut was dark brown. The last recruit was a girl with blond hair and blue eyes, she looked fairly pretty. 

Eren started to shove food down his throat, however he was interrupted by the blonde boy. “I haven’t seen you before, are you a new rookie? 

Eren nodded, his moth too stuffed to actually answer.

“Welcome. My name is Armin.” He pointed at the other boy and girl. “They are Jean and Krista. Who are you?”

Eren swallowed his mouthful of food, and shortly it seemed like he would barf everything back up, but luckily he restrained himself from doing so and responded. “I am Eren.”

Jean shot an angered glare at Eren. “That's just perfect. More competition. It was hard enough to get here, and they let him in without an entrance exam? Lucky bastard.” Levi approved of that boy instantly.

Armin scolded him. “Jean, be nice. And it's nice to meet you, Eren. ” Jean muttered an apology while blushing.

Hanji had cleared her plate and watched Eren avidly until he finished eating. “How do you like your room?”

“It's nice. Do you know anything about the computer?” He probably just wanted to know which games he could play with it and had no idea about the consequences. 

Erwin and Levi looked at each other before speaking simultaneously: “Don't ask that. Why would you ask that?” 

It was already too late. Hanji had started her endless monologue. She talked about bits and bytes, ram, motherboards and how the parts she dreamed of would work out with her existing hardware. If she should switch from raid-1 to raid-5, how she had managed to interconnect her graphics cards and how her water cooling system allowed her to overclock all of them. 

One after another left the table, only Levi and Eren remained. After five minutes of drivel Eren was still genuinely interested, but Levi was already fed up with it and interrupted her. “Shut up, freak. I will go to bed now, and the brat will follow me. You can annoy him further, tomorrow.” Eren wished Hanji a good night, before he hurried to keep up with Levi's pace.

Their journey back to their rooms in the north tower was a quiet one, probably because Eren was too out of breath to talk. As they reached his room the boy grabbed Levi's wrist, hindering him from leaving. Levi looked at him with narrowed eyes. “What is it?”

“Thank you for bringing me here and staying with me.” The boy looked away, just a little bit emberrased.

The words felt like a kick in the stomach for Levi. “Bullshit. You will regret this decision at some point, as we all did. Just hope that this is the path that leads to the least regrets for you.”

Levi freed his arm and went up the stairs. He went straight for the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face. There was no point in remembering all of this. It would only lead to pain and regret for things he was unable to change, anyway. But as he lay in his bed all the memories came back to him.

His live had been a pile of shit from the beginning. Filled with drugs, violence and crime. Erwin took him away, promising him a good live with a real job, more money that he could ever spend and a clear record. It was the chance of a lifetime. Leaving a father that had been in jail from the time Levi was seven and a mother that would have sold him for a sachet of heroine if he actually had been worth that much, wasn’t a tough decision. As was leaving his gang, even if they beat him half-dead. He had done everything Erwin asked of him, eager to please, without asking or complaining. The job became his life and he became Erwin’s right-hand man. He was perfect for it. His morals had been loose from the beginning. Killing, stealing, drugging people. What was it to him? There was but one rule that he followed. Care about yourself. 

But somehow the squad got under his skin. Hanji's enthusiasm, Petra's kindness, Oluo's cockiness, Eld's straightforwardness. He began to care for them. In return they gave him a sense of belonging, a family and a home. He did what he could to keep them safe. He trained them, teaching them everything he knew. And he took the bad jobs. The jobs where he saw streets covered in corpses, knowing that this was his doing. A lot of money switched hands in a war and Erwin profited quite handsomely. He sold arms everywhere and to everyone, handing M4s to children, terrorist groups or whoever else paid for them. He got a couple of important politicians and policemen hooked on drugs, money or hookers, whatever assured their cooperation. And if that didn’t work, they still had a family to worry about. 

The jobs broke him. Leaving him cold, bitter and unsympathetic. If he still had a soul left after his fucked up past, it was thoroughly destroyed by his present. But he did what he had to do so his squad members were safe. He didn’t want them to turn into the same ruined excuse for a human being he was. So he became the best soldier for jobs no one else wanted to do. He came to hate Erwin for the things he so carelessly burdened him with. Things that kept him up at night. That made him hate himself and everyone else. Still, he kept on going, alone and depressed, but assured that his squad members would be able to walk a different road. 

And then that asshole had called him to his office. “Who are you loyal to, Levi?” Erwin had asked him.

Levi had answered without hesitation. “My squad.”

Erwin's expression was stern. “Are you loyal to me, then?”

He should have said yes. But was he really still loyal? The hate he felt for Erwin. The resentment. Was he still loyal? The hurt Erwin had caused him. Was he loyal? The wish to drive a knife trough his heart just to finally see a look of concern on his face. He had given everything for him. Everything to him. Not once had Erwin ever asked him if he was okay. If he needed to talk. If all those corpses ever hunted him. 

“What does it matter?”

He had seen the disbelief on Erwin's face as he repeated the question. “Are you loyal to me?”

“What does it fucking matter? I am doing my job. No one else is able to do it. So what the fuck does it matter if I am loyal?” 

“I can't have anyone doubting my leadership. You will finish this last job after which you will be on vacation till further notice.”

The pity on Erwin's face shouldn’t have angered him like it did. He had no fucking right to pity Levi. Not now. Not when it was already to late. This was one on the few times that Levi actually screamed: “You can't just throw me out. The squad needs me. You need me.”

Erwin's voice remained strictly formal and it hurt more than anything else. “I don't. You are no longer a member of the Recon Corpse.”

The memory faded as he noticed Eren standing next to his bed. The boy slipped beneath the covers and huddled up to him. He looped his arms around the older male's chest, pulling him closer, as though he feared drowning. Disappearing without someone to hold onto. All intentions of kicking him out were lost and Levi was left with nothing but the overwhelming need to cry. He blinked the tears away, wrapped his arms around Eren and buried his nose in the soft strands of his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update this every thursday, but knowing my life there will be chaos at some point, and I will probably just update this as random as before^^ I will try my best to keep to the schedule, nonetheless.
> 
> The title is taken from “Almost Human” by Voltaire, I feel like this is pretty much Levi's song.


	8. Breathing and gasping, all leads to another messy ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The constant sexual tension takes it's toll on Levi.

Levi opened his eyes. He felt cold. The first sunlight glistened through the windows and and tickled his nose. The brightness convinced him that it would be better to close his eyes again. Where was the thing that had warmed him throughout the night? Right, the boy was gone. Somehow Levi felt like a one night stand had run out on him. That son of a bitch. He went back to sleep.

He woke because he heard a noise. It sounded like a dripping faucet and Levi opened his eyes again. The brat was standing right next to his bed, dressed only in briefs, and brushing his teeth. Or rather having a toothbrush in his mouth and dribbling a mixture of spit and toothpaste on Levi's rug. His hands were clenched to fists. Levi's instinct kicked in and he was wide awake. Was his other personality in control again? But the kid wasn’t even looking at him. Or rather, he wasn’t looking at Levi's face. Following his gaze, Levi found the reason why he was cold. He was lying on top of the blanket and the briefs didn’t really cover the side effects of whatever dream he had been having. He was fairly sure that he at least wore a shirt as he went to bed yesterday, but it was gone now.

Levi cleared his throat to get Eren's attention. But his stare was glued to Levi's hard on. Really, this kid had neither manners nor self control. Levi sat up snapped his fingers in front of Eren's eyes: “Oi, fuckface, you are ruining my carpet. Stop looking at my dick, get your stupid ass to the bathroom and bring a rag so you can wipe that mess up. ” 

The boy needed another five seconds to make sense of his words. Blushing furiously he hurried to Levi's bathroom. He reappeared after piecing the shards of his dignity back together, but his face was still red like a tomato. Levi found himself thinking that it was actually quite cute. Eren hurried back to the bed and dropped to his knees, rubbing the rug furiously with a wet towel. Apparently he had a major knowledge gap about cleaning. But since his whole brain was a knowledge gap, Levi figured that it wasn’t really his fault. Eren stood up back up again, clutching the towel nervously, and apparently waiting to be punished. He shifted from one foot to the other, his expression a display of fear and shame. 

Levi had indeed intended to teach Eren a lesson about not staring at other people's cocks. But he was somehow distracted by the boy's flat stomach that was right in front of his face. He wasn't ripped as Levi was, he rather looked soft. Just as soft as he knew Eren's skin was to the touch. The space between his hip bones was slightly concave and Levi found himself wishing that he could follow this beautiful V-shape further, preferably with his tongue. Unfortunately for him, Eren's briefs obstructed the view halfway down. 

He had already lifted his hand and tugged at Eren's pants before he even realized what he was doing. The digits entwined with the fabric, attempting to reveal more of the boy's smooth skin. Eren looked at Levi's fingers with incredulity, as did Levi himself. Somehow he finally managed to pull his hand away. And somehow he managed to keep his voice steady as he said: “Go back to your room and get dressed.”

Levi desperately needed to be alone, to gather his thoughts and retain his composure. He needed to get his fucking mind out of the gutter. But the boy made no attempt to leave. He just stood there, semi-nude and flustered, a constant temptation. And Levi did the one thing that had always succeed to solve his problems. He threw a punch at Eren's solar plexus and the boy fell to his knees. His breathing was irregular and he panicked because of it, leading to even shorter gasps.

There was no way Levi would deal with this now. He got up and went to the bathroom. After taking a cold shower and brushing his teeth, he felt better. Upon reentering the bedroom, he discovered that the boy was gone. Levi got dressed, smoked his morning cigarette and knocked at Eren's door. “We have to get breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.” Erens voice was soft, barely audible through the door, there was a certain shakiness to it.

Levi tried to open the door, discovering that it was locked. “Smartass. I don’t care, we have a schedule to follow.”

“I am not going.” 

His tone was sharp. “Open the fucking door or I will kick it in, you little shit.”

“What do I care?” He was starting to sound like Levi. Alarmingly so. He would have to do something or the boy would start using cuss words next.

“You should care, because if I kick it in people will see you undressing, lip synching Katy Perry, masturbating and whatever else you do in there.”

The door opened and bright turquoise eyes locked with Levi's gray ones. Fucking brat being taller than him. “I don’t do that, sir.” 

“Which of these things don’t you do then, dipshit?” 

Eren leaned against the door frame, fingers running lazily through his messy, brown hair. His hip was slightly tilted and his pants low enough to make Levi wonder how on earth they stayed like this without dropping. There was a solid five inch gap of exposed skin between his shirt and his waistband. And judging by his fucking smirk he knew that. “You will just have to figure that out on your own, sir.” 

Where was the sweet boy that Eren had been? Where the fuck was his innocence? The person in front of him looked like a prostitute and not at all like the inexperienced teen he was supposed to be. Still his eyes were the same ocean colored brightness, looking at Levi and expectantly awaiting his reaction. 

“You look like a whore.” Levi was suddenly immensely thankful for his unemotional expression. 

“Yeah. And you like it.” He said that matter-of-factly, the grin never leaving his lips. “But I would rather appreciate it, if you could cope without punching me.” 

This was not Eren. And it wasn’t the violent Eren, either. Jesus, how many different personalities could a shitty fifteen-year-old have? These were not even Eren's words. Levi was pretty sure that the brat couldn’t even spell “appreciate” with that pea-brain of his.

Regardless, if one thing had proven useful in dealing with Eren before, it was violence. So a nice hard kick to the face would probably bring him around. Levi raised his knee, moving his torso back, while shifting sidewards, raising his knee further, so his leg would connect with the Kid's head in a line and then he straightened his leg, placing his boot right in the middle of Eren's face. Or so was the theory, because somehow he missed. 

The next things happened in blur. There was a scared squeak and a person appeared behind Eren, trying to get him away from Levi's foot in time to save his nose. Which was unnecessary because Levi's kick missed the kid's head by an inch, anyway. There was a sudden realization on Eren's face, and Levi took his leg down. “Hanji, I remember telling you not to fuck with me. You wouldn’t want Eren to get hurt because of you. Next time I might not miss.”

Hanji looked extremely guilty while hugging Eren. “I am so sorry sweety, I wouldn’t have thought that he resorts to violence.”

Levi's voice dripped with sarcasm. “Do you even know me, woman? Have we met before? Because somehow I got the feeling that it was pretty fucking obvious that this would happen.”

“Well excuse me for believing that you would just get over your stupid pride, or whatever is that is holding you back, and kiss Eren already.” She stomped her foot like an angry kid.

He was getting a headache. “Bitch, you are talking even more shit than usual. Just get to the point. Why are you here, other then trying to hook me up with a minor, I mean.” Better remind her of that fact before she locked them both in a room, refusing to let them out before they had sex. She was mentally incompetent enough to actually try that. Not that Levi would have minded all that much.

She informed them about the boy's schedule for the day. “Eren needs to take take part in combat training with the other recruits, to evaluate his strength and experience. They expect him at the training grounds at 10 am sharp.”

Levi nodded. “Thank you. Now get your ugly ass out of here, before I kick it out.”

She cursed under her breath and walked way. 

Eren fetched a thick coat because it was freezing outside. He looked at Levi, smiling and there was a hint of gratitude in his eyes. “So you missed, sir?”

Levi smirked back at him. “Happens, brat. Now let's go, we've got things to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rather short chapter and it took some time because I had a bit of a writers block. The next chapter will be longer and it will be written in Eren's Pov. Enjoy the calm because there's drama coming your way. 
> 
> Title from “Not The American Average“ by Asking Alexandra.


	9. Let me love you, fear and blame you, Let me love you, scar and burn you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's and Levi's day at the training grounds.

Eren's Pov:

Hanjis shenanigans resulted in them being late. They couldn’t get any breakfast and Levi scolded him the whole way over to the training grounds. Eren was pretty nervous about the training but with Levi's mood being so bad, he refrained from asking any questions. He could already tell that Levi liked routine, and he wasn't one to forgive easily for changing that routine. Be it a missed breakfast or that he was now basically Eren's babysitter. Thinking about it, Eren had no idea why he agreed to play a part in Hanjis plans in the first place. He guessed it was partly because he just liked her. She was one of the reasons that he and Levi now both were here and he was very thankful for that. 

Of course she had underestimated Levi. He knew what was happening all along and Eren was lucky to walk away with his nose still in it's rightful place. Actually no, it hadn't been a matter of luck because Levi wouldn’t hurt him for something that wasn’t his own fault. This was one of the reasons why he put so much trust in him. Every time Levi had hurt him, it was because of something that Eren had been responsible for himself. 

For example it wasn’t the best idea to just show up on Levi's doorstep, especially not after the man had buried him, and it resulted in Eren getting the shit kicked out of him. He should have probably just called first or write a letter. The punch to his stomach, he had suffered this morning, still hurt a little. As usual, it was his own stupidity that caused it. He should have walked away when Levi told him to. But of course he didn't walk away. He still felt the fingertips brush against his abdomen. It was absolutely impossible to walk away, not when Levi had just touched him like this. No, he had to stay when there was just the smallest of chances that Levi meant it. That he wanted to actually touch him. There were so many different thoughts in Eren's head that he was effectively stunned. 

_Do it! You will loose him. Don't stop. I`m scared. What am I supposed to do? He likes me. My hands are sweaty. I need time. What is he doing? This is wrong. He loves you. Why aren’t you doing anything? You can not get an erection now. This will change everything. Stay calm. He hates you. I cant move. Why is this happening? Wait. I want to disappear. Do something!_

The only thing Eren actually did was to stare at Levi's pale fingers as they tugged at his briefs. He still watched the hem of his pants where they had been, even after Levi had pulled them away and clenched them into a first, punched him in the stomach. And then he couldn’t breath. He felt sick and suffocating, scared for his life. When he finally catched his breath and got up, Levi was already gone.

He still had no idea what had happened, but he wanted to apologize and somehow make it right. And then along came Hanji and promised that her plan would absolutely and positively result in Levi kissing him. It was impossible to say no to that. He would agree to anything that would diffuse the tension between them. And somehow it had worked. There never was a kiss, but at least Levi continued to talk to him.

Eren was pretty much happy. Levi had saved his life, he had saved him from the men that wanted to capture him. There was no way for Levi to do this without at least liking Eren a bit, right? For whatever reason, Levi had decided to stay with him. They even slept in one bed. Levi hugged him while Eren cried over every memory and every person he had lost. They never talked about it in the morning, but Eren was thankful for everything Levi did for him. His whole family was gone, and his old friends or distant relatives all believed him to be dead. Most of them would probably react the same way Levi had, if he were ever to contact them. 

Levi was his family now. His only friend. Simply the only person he could turn to for comfort or any kind of social interaction, really. And while they might not be what people would call a perfect pair, Eren couldn’t help but believe that there was something between them. It might just be wishful thinking, but in the morning there had been something in Levi's eyes, and if he allowed this delusion to go on further, he could have thought that it could have been desire. Maybe.

They finally reached the courtyard with some time left, the training would start in ten minutes. Eren hoped that he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of the other recruits. Compared to Levi, his own strength was non existent. However, the others were only rookies, they couldn’t possibly be on the same level as the captain. The word still had a unusual taste to it. In his head Levi was still Levi, but Eren had to address him as sir now. It wasn't as hard to get used to as he would have imagined, due to the fact that Levi was someone who demanded and deserved respect. Still his heart dropped a bit every time he did it. Addressing Levi as sir was to admit the gap between them. The age gap. The educational gap. The social gap. The skill gap. The experience gap. Every single damned gap that constantly strived to show him that this attraction was unwanted and unrequited by Levi.

Levi left his side and walked over to one of the walls, surrounding the training area. He crossed his arms and leaned against it. Appearing bored and relaxed but taking everything in, regardless. Eren knew that Levi rarely ever really slacked off. It was a miracle that he got used to Eren's presence in his bed enough to not threaten him with a knife anymore. He debated on following Levi, but he probably wanted to be alone. Better to accept that than to get kicked again. Eren spotted a group of eight rookies that were talking. He walked over to them because he recognized Armin and Jean. Armin greeted him with a smile while Jean frowned at him. Somehow he didn’t like Jean. It wasn't a conscious decision not to like him, Eren just somehow thought that Jean was a total idiot. But he would still be nice and try to befriend him, because he had common sense and he was polite. 

Armin pushed him into their circle. “Eren, it's nice to see you again. I didn’t see you in the dormitory yesterday.”

Eren was a bit nervous to be the center of attention. “Hey Armin. Yeah, I sleep somewhere else.”

Jean shot him a suspicious look but Armin just kept on talking. “Let's introduce you to everyone. Everyone this is Eren. And Eren you already know me, Jean and Krista. Then we have Annie, Sasha, Ymir, Connie and Marco. And we're missing Reiner and Bertolt, I have no idea where they are.” 

Ymir, a girl with green eyes, freckles and chocolate brown hair, that was about as tall as Eren, snorted. ”They're shagging.” Krista looked at the floor and murmured something about not talking about such things. 

Sasha chocked on a piece of bread that she probably brought from breakfast. Connie, a small guy with a buzz cut patted her back. Finally the girl with the brown pony tail managed the get the crumbs out of her throat and spoke with a hoarse voice. “Ymir, leave Krista alone, you can not corrupt this little angel. She always shares her meals with me. She is wonderful.”

Ymir shot Krista a smirk. “What if she want's it?” Krista tried to hide her embarrassment by pushing her hair into her face, but smiled as Ymir hugged her.

“Yeah, whatever, enough girl on girl. What really interests me, is why Eren is always accompanied by shorty.” Jean pointed at Levi inconspicuously and smirked. “Does little Eren need a babysitter?”

Eren winced because Jean hit a little bit too close to home, but Annie spoke before he even had the chance to defend himself. “This shorty you speak of is Captain Levi, you complete moron.” She had blond hair, steel blue eyes and prominent, straight nose. Something told Eren that she was not a person to go against.

“THE Captain Levi? As in The Legend Captain Levi?” Jean turned around, now staring at Levi openly. 

Marco, a boy with short, brown hair and freckles grabbed his wrist and swirled him around. “Don't look at him, he'll kill you. Haven’t you heard the stories about him? He once broke a recruit's arm just because he forgot to call him sir.”

Eren believed this story to be exaggerated, if only just slightly. The recruit maybe walked away with a broken nose, but Levi wouldn’t do something as reckless as breaking his arm. Probably. 

Jean still wasn't convinced. “But he is so short. Half the kicks we learn in our kickboxing class were allegedly invented by Captain Levi. He established the stance that reduces the recoil of the L115A3 AWM by another fife percent, that guy is a genius. He is one of the top three. He was the one that shot that Prime minister while he was 1700 yards away on a boat. A boat, guys. A moving boat.” His expression switched to that of a child that was looking at a gigantic teddy bear. Admiration and want. 

Something inside of Eren snapped, and in a rare moment of clarity he realized that he would never ever be friends with Jean.

Armin smiled. “Enough Hero-worship for today, calm down. We all know how awesome he is. I am so happy for you, Eren. To be trained by the best there is, this is a great chance. But I heard that his personality needs getting used to. ”

Jean as it seemed, didn’t calm down at all, he jumped form one leg to the other in sheer excitement. “Even if he is a total asshole, I would put up with it. You could do anything if you had this kind of skill. If Captain Levi were to walk up to the President, he would be hired in a second. Heck, he would be minister of defense in a second. But why the fuck would the Captain waste his time with this kid?” He directed a deprecatory look at Eren. 

Honestly, Eren couldn’t really explain why Levi stayed with him, either. But hearing it from Jean somehow made it ten times worse. He clenched his fists, digging the nails into the mellow skin of his palms. He couldn't start a fight on his first day, not when Levi was watching. No matter how much he wished to break every single bone in Jean's worthless, fragile body. Trough gritted teeth he growled: “Shut the fuck up, horse-face.” 

From the corner of his eye Eren saw Levi standing straight, every pretense of being relaxed forgotten. Armin however grabbed his wrist with more strength than he ever though such a small person could posses. He laughed nervously: “It seems his vocabulary wears off on you.” And just like that, everyone calmed down again. Jean muttered something that was along the lines of a “Fuck you” and “I'm sorry.” Levi got back to looking bored and the rest of the group laughed it off.

Finally, their trainer appeared. Everyone turned towards him, as soon as his footsteps echoed from the narrow passage onto the courtyard. Eren was surprised at the discipline everyone seemed to have adapted as second nature. They were standing in orderly rows, heads towards the front, hands behind their back. No one was whispering and everyones boots were exactly ten inches apart. They were more military oriented than Eren had thought. He did his best to fit in, and copied pretty much everything Armin did, since he was standing next to him. Jean was standing on his left and something told him, that this was not at all good.

Their coach was bald, his skin was darkened by the sun and he had a small chin-beard. The most outstanding feature however were the dark circles around his eyes and the deep wrinkles on his forehead. He was wide-eyed and his expression was that of constant anger. That made sense however as he began to speak. He sounded as if he wanted to rip their heads off. Like they had somehow done something to make him incredibly mad. There was no wavering in his tone, Eren felt goosebumps traveling up his arms. 

“I'm Keith Shadis” The instructor shouted. “I see that quite a few are missing. I guess they got scared of getting dirty, and choose to do the hacking class with Hanji instead. We don't need these weaklings. This class is not for the weak. I demand hard work, and everyone slacking off will be eliminated.” The recruits inhaled in horror.” From this class.” Collective, relieved exhaling followed.

“Now get together in pairs. Try to wrestle your opponent to the ground and keep them there for 10 seconds. No direct hits to the head or the crouch. Go.”

There was a little shuffling as everyone searched for a partner. Armin was already standing next to Connie. Eren turned around to Sasha, but she was currently being screamed at by Shadis, something about food. The only one left was Jean. This was the chance to show him.

They were standing three feet apart. Jean snarling: “Let's see if Captain Levi's pet is any good.”

Eren would have to clarify at some point that, in fact, Levi didn’t coach him. That they just met two days ago. That Levi had to take care of him for some reason Eren knew nothing about.

But he really didn’t want to clarify that. If someone saw their relationship as something more intimate then it was, there was no harm in that. Well, except that people believed him to be as good as a fighter as Levi was. Eren felt that it would reduce the depth of their bond, if he actually told anyone that their relationship wasn't all that intimate. And it felt good whenever both of their names were mentioned in the same sentence. Eren felt honored that people thought him good enough to be Levi's student. Even if he wasn't.

He pushed his doubts away, they wouldn’t help him now. “Did you say something? Because somehow it just heard neighing, pony boy.”

Jean let his actions speak for themselves and aimed at kick at Eren's right knee. Eren successfully evaded but had to take a step back to regain his balance. The weakness didn’t go unnoticed and Jean threw at punch directed to his chest. Eren blocked it, both hands raised and the momentum of the punch threw Jean forward, causing him to stumble onto Eren. He realized with relief that Jean wasn’t nearly as strong or quick as Levi. Maybe he could actually win this. Pushing Jean back with his arms he copied Levi's kick. Upon lifting his leg he realized that there was no way in hell that he would be able to get his leg as high up as Jean's face. Eren settled for his solar plexus instead and shoved his heel into the spot that Levi had punched earlier this morning. 

Jean did pretty much the same thing he had done and fell to his knees, his breathing ragged and his expression the one of intense pain. All Eren had to do was to give him another kick to the chest and Jean was on his back, with Eren sitting on top of him. The little stones on the ground were bearing into his knees, probably leaving red dents in his flesh, but the pain only exaggerated his alternatives. Which was good because Jean threw a punch at his nose, despite the ban on hits to the head. Eren heard a sharp crack and the stinging pain sent tears into his eyes. Blood dribbled over his mouth and onto jean's clothes. Still, this ache was nothing compared to the ones that Levi had already inflicted on him. Jean was probably just desperate and that made Eren happy. He pressed his right forearm to Jean's throat, his left hand grabbing a hold of the other's right arm to keep him from struggling. Jeans's strained gasps created white swirls in the cold air. His expression was a grimace of pain and intense embarrassment, and Eren tried to burn it permanently into his eyeballs, as he drew nearer and nearer, not caring that his blood stained Jean's chin. 

Eres voice was nothing but a wisper: “Levi's punches are way better. He would never waste his time with a weakling like you.” The body under him still fought violently, one would think that Jean's life was on the line here, not just his pride. The taller boy's legs kicked out and he resembled a horse now more than ever. Jean's still unrestrained left arm pulled desperately at Eren's hold on his throat.

“Levi!” Someone called. It sounded happy and hopeful and Eren looked up to the man the name belonged to. There was a woman hugging him, she was just slightly smaller than Levi himself and had light ginger hair. Normally Levi wasn't this fond of physical contact. Her slim frame fitted perfectly into his arms and he held her close to his chest, arms tied around her waist. Normally he wouldn’t let his guard down like this. Levi lifted her up and spun her around, she laughed happily. Normally he wouldn’t be this childish. His face was buried in her hair at the side of her neck. Normally he would just be annoyed with someones hair in his face. Levi could have whispered something soft into her ear, but at this distance Eren wasn’t sure. 

Who was this woman? Why did Levi feel so at ease with her? Why was she allowed to touch him? Where was his usual aloofness? Who was she to have the right to bring out this side in him? It belonged exclusively to Eren. He was the one that was allowed to lie on Levi's chest and hear his heartbeat. He was to one to entwine their fingers. He was the one to know the exact smell of Levi's hair, the slight rasp of his undercut. Who the fuck was this bitch that she thought she was permitted to touch Levi in front of all these people? A whisper at the back of his head told him that Levi had obviously permitted it, but it was better to ignore it than to start thinking again. He was angry, ready to punch things. To destroy things. To grab ginger hair and slam her had against the brick wall. To break her slim neck, to rip her arms out of her miserable corpse and to kick her motionless body long enough to crack her ribs and break her spine. 

Eren realized that his grip at Jean's throat had loosened considerably over his reeling thoughts. Jean obviously realized the same thing and freed himself with a hard yank, while Eren's eyes were still glued to the back of this mysterious woman. Eren felt a blow to the right side of his head before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there, told you that drama was coming your way. I'm so sorry for the late update, but I am still busy with writing all my term papers. 
> 
> Title taken from "My reward" by Hail the Villain


	10. Under the stairs and beyond your horizon, there lives a creature that wants to be free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes.

Eren woke because he heard a rattling sound. He tried to stretch as he did every morning, but couldn’t move his arms. Or legs. The only thing he could really move was his head. He tried to lift it was far up as it would go and blinked the blurry coat of the room away. It was dark, he couldn’t see the corners of the room. Other than that he seemed to be in a dungeon of some sorts. Dark gray stone walls, metal chains with witch he was confined to a bed and the faint orange flickering of torches. He realized a second later that it wasn't torches, but a flickering bare bulb that tried it's best to light the room but failed miserably as it was still dark and oppressively silent. Where was he? How did he get here? What had happened? Jean had hit him but after that, there was only a black gap.

His hands began to shake as his brain desperately tried to make sense of the current circumstances.

Another hand was placed upon his own. Slim fingers stroked in soothing circled over his skin. Eren knew these hands. He noticed Levi sitting on a wooden chair on the right side of his bed. His eyes positively shone with emotion as he looked down on Eren. There was anger. Pain. Guilt. Relive. Fear. It shocked Eren more than anything to see Levi's emotions so clearly. Levi blinked once and it was all gone, replaced with his usual calm.

Eren's voice sounded weaker than he would have liked as he asked “Are you okay?” After a few seconds of thinking he added a “Sir”. The impulse to touch Levi's face to make sure that he was all right became stronger and stronger, but the iron cuffs around his wrists held his hands firmly in place. The clatter of the chain echoed through the cold air and chased the faint dripping of water off. 

Levi rolled his eyes. “Only a brat like you could wake up to this and ask if I was all right.”

Eren pouted without really realizing it, but Levi's expression softened nonetheless. “I would also like to know where I am and what happened if you would prefer to answer those questions.”

Levi answered with a sigh: “This is again one of these things that I don’t think you should know just yet. What happened wasn’t your fault. Everything is all right, this room is just a precaution. You'll be out of here in no time.”

A new emotion traveled trough Levi's eyes like a shooting star, bright, and quickly disappearing. Doubt. Eren wondered if it even had even been there in the first place. But if it was, then that meant that Levi was lying to him. Eren tried his best to trust him, he really did, but he also wanted to know the truth. And if it was something about him, something severe that made shackles and stone walls without windows necessary, than he would like to know what it was. Not to mention the heavy Iron door that looked like it could survive an explosion without so much as a dent.

Eren spoke when he finally had his voice under control,sounding just a bit shaky, rather than the full blown panic he felt about not knowing what exactly was wrong with him. “Levi, I know that you are doing this to protect me. But please, look around and tell me that this is not serious. I am chained to a bed in a dungeon. I am in a pretty bad situation. Tell me what happened, I need to know. I can't do anything about it if I don’t know what it is.”

Levi's face was inanimate but there was a storm brewing behind his steely gray eyes. “I told you brat, you are too young. Now shut up and lie still.”

Eren still struggled against the iron bindings, desperate to prove his point and to convince Levi, even if this meant that he was angry with him in the end. Everything would be better than the darkness and the uncertainty. “This is my issue. My life. And my blackouts. You won't be with me forever, I need to deal with it, myself.” 

Not everything. Eren knew that the words were true but it still hurt to think that Levi really would leave him some day. He didn’t want that. If he had to choose between learning the truth and Levi leaving him, he would happily stay in the dark forever. Eren wished he could take the words back, chew them, swallow them and watch them dissolve in stomach acid.

“Fuck!” There was a quick movement and the next second Levi was already standing in the doorway, holding the impossibly thick door open like it was no wight at all. His eyes were bright with sadness. “I can't tell you, Eren. I promised not to tell you and I won't break that promise. Not ever.”

“Levi!” The frantic shout echoed through the room until the heavy clunk of closing door replaced it. After that there was only silence and the rattling of the chain links whenever he moved.

 

The next time he woke was because somebody apparently stuck a needle into his arm. He tried to get away from the pain but the chains still held him in place.

“Don't move Eren.” It was Hanji, somehow she managed to say the most ordinary things and still sound like she was on the brink of some world-changing invention. Exited like a dog being fed. “I have to take some of your blood. Do you think you could also pee in this cup? And I need to take some of your hair. As soon as you get out of here, we'll do a little, completely painless operation and I'll take some of your bone marrow.” She noticed how his expression seemed to lack the necessary exitement for taking some of his bone marrow: “Whats wrong with you, honey? You know that every argument resolved, right? He'll be a bitch about it for a day, and after that Levi will be back to the sweet, gentle flower that we all know and love.”

Eren looked at her incredulously: “How did you know?”

She grinned. “Let's just say he punched five recruits since he visited you and he called me a nuisance which isn't even a real insult...”

He interrupted her “I'm pretty sure it is.”

“... not for him, for him that's like calling me his sweetheart. What did you argue about?”

Eren sunk back into the bed and looked at the wall above, because it was exhausting to lift his head and struggle against the chains all the time. “He won't tell me what happened. I don’t even know why I'm here.”

Hasnji lost her smile. “I'll tell you, for science. And cause I believe that you will be able to control it, because if you don’t, you will probably be too dangerous to keep. And we all know what happens to rabid dogs.”

Eren trembled and had no idea if it was the cold that radiated from the stone walls or the fear that raced trough his body. Hanji's words were the truth, he could imagine Erwin killing him without much consideration if he didn’t prove to be useful. He pushed the shiver aside and nodded in Hanji's direction. 

She nodded back. “You already know that you seem to possess some kind of regenerative powers. They declared you dead after they found one of your legs, and I tested it, there is no doubt that it really was your leg, but it seems to have grown back. Also you have blackouts, and I have no idea what causes them. Maybe it's blood loss, or that you or somebody you like is in mortal danger, at least that seems to be true for the first time it happened. So during these blackouts, you become very violent and very strong. I saw the video footage of the first time and you ripped people apart, and that takes some serious strength.”

He felt sick. Eren could imagine everything she said, the iron smell, the bones breaking, the wet crunching noises, the slick warmth of the blood on his hands. There must be something wrong. How could he forget that he killed somebody? But it explained everything else. Levi's fear and doubt. That Levi had to wash his clothes. His memory gaps. That Erwin viewed him as a threat and that Levi had to be with him all the time.

Hanji continued, as though talking to herself, the happiness still gone from her voice which Eren appreciated. “But I have no idea what caused it this time. I watched the footage, Jean hit you in the head, but you were in no mortal danger. Why did you black out, it makes no sense?" She wispered the words, as though speaking to herself. "We can't have you switching in ordinary situations like these. If Levi hadn’t been there...”

Eren took a deep, rattling breath. His voice was more desperate than he ever heard it before. “Please, just tell me what I did.”

She looked at him with surprise, as she had probably forgotten that she was talking to him in the first place. “Right. Well, you smashed Petra's head against a wall.”

Something wet ran over his cheeks and it must have been tears, but he couldn’t remember when he had started to cry. Hanji tried to console him, after collecting some of his tears in a vial, but he was unable to stop even if he wanted. It felt like the fluid pressed against his eyeballs from inside of his skull. It was probably because his head felt like bursting from the thoughts that slipped through it. How could he even continue his live when he was in constant danger of hurting others? Was he a monster for forgetting everything afterwords? What kind of freak grows limps back? Levi's disgusted and fearful eyes. Corpses all around him. Himself kneeling in the blood and licking it off his arms. The soft wheezing of crushed windpipes. The creaking of opened ribcages. The fading beat of dying hearts. 

It must have showed on his face because Hanji decided to continue talking, when her comforting caused no reaction at all. “Look, she will be all right. She's in a coma now, but Moblit was pretty sure that there will be no long lasting damage. And Levi got to you before you could hurt anyone else. Took twenty kicks to your stomach before you stopped moving, though. Could you try to remember what may have caused the switch? The faster you remember the faster you will be out of here.”

Eren shook his head. How could he tell anybody that he had hurt a woman just because Levi was hugging her? 

People got hurt when he couldn’t control his feelings, that was probably the worst thing that cold have happened. He was shit at controlling his feelings, especially when he was around Levi. Perhaps it was better to stay down here, the others would be safe if he stayed here. It was a better chance for them than to rely on his self-control. 

He felt sorry for hurting Petra, but there was no real remorse. Somewhere deep inside something told him that she deserved it for touching what was his. Hopefully that bitch would never wake up again. No. It felt right to think it, but it was the wrong thing to think. 

When did his body become this dangerous, foreign object? He felt like it could attack him at any time and he would never see it coming. How could he fight against himself? The constant danger that his body and mind posed, how could he stop it? He had never before been especially violent, or strong, or jealous. Not that he would remember if he had been anything at all before. It was all lost, replaced with an Eren that he didn’t understand and didn’t want to know. And yet this Eren was his only starting point if he wanted to become a person once more.

The room was empty. The flickering bulb and the dribbling water reclaimed the isolation, while Eren tried to get used to spending the rest of his life in silent darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is taken from “Me” by Asp.

**Author's Note:**

> If that sounded familiar, you may have red it at fanfiction.net. I deleted it over there, because it still needed work. So I am currently in the process of revising the whole thing, which hopefully improves it.  
> I chose to post the revised version here, because the usability on this site is better, in my opinion at least. I also kept the title. 
> 
> The title is referring to the song “Where is my mind”, either by Pixies or Placebo, you may know it from Fight Club. 
> 
> This is edited by [squatchster ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/squatchster/pseuds/squatchster). It's my first story, please feel free to comment or message me about the things I did wrong or right. And thank you for reading.


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